Discussion

Ring Tone Discussion Starters
For All Users

 

Introduction

 

These discussion starters are designed as a companion to the ones found in the User Guides available on the Boyz 2 Dads™ CD-ROM and on this website. The questions found here relate solely to the ring tones that are downloaded throughout each of the Boyz 2 Dads™ levels. Simply pause the program when you see and hear a ring tone and find the corresponding notes and questions below. Read the notes first and then ask the teen boy the question(s) that follow.

 

Level One

Download #1 – Wise Ring Tone with Dad After the Main Character says,
“No worries, Dad. I know the rules.”

Background: This ring tone downloads during the main character’s conversation with his dad at the breakfast table, if option 1 (Yeah, me and Z are going to a party) or option 3 (Don’t know yet. There’s this party…but I don’t know) are selected.

Notes: Review question 1. Although teen boys can show signs of agitation when a parent persists on a particular rule, intuitively they know that it’s really showing love and concern. Based on your character’s response, we know this wasn’t the first time he heard this rule. Essentially, the dad was providing loving discipline through the repetitive reminder to hold to this rule. So, whether your character liked the rule or not is actually not as important as knowing the dad values the rule enough to reinforce it and model it in his own life.

Question 1: Do you think your character likes his dad’s “no drinking, smoking or drugs” rule? Why or why not?

Notes: Review question 2. There could be many reasons that he obeyed his dad’s rule including not wanting to let his dad down, fearing the punishment if his dad found out, or understanding the potential consequences of drinking, smoking or doing drugs. This provides a great opportunity to discuss how important a dad is in helping him navigate the traps of this world.

Question 2: Later at the party in Level 3, your character doesn’t drink, smoke or do any drugs. Why do you think he obeyed his dad’s rules even when he could’ve done it behind his back and probably not gotten caught?

 

Download #2 – Unwise Ring Tone with Girlfriend If Main Character
Kisses Her Back
Wise Ring Tone with Girlfriend If Main Character
Turns From Her Kiss or Avoids Kiss All Together.

 

Background: These ring tone options occur when the girlfriend first comes up to the main character in the school hallway.

Notes: Review question 3a or 3b depending on the choice your teen selected. For 3a, help the teen understand the enormous pressure his character must’ve felt by not wanting to hurt or upset her. His avoidance could’ve cost him their relationship. His motivation to resist probably came from a few sources. One source is his strong relationship with his dad who values avoiding situations that could eventually lead to sex before marriage. Another source of motivation could’ve been his feeling uncomfortable kissing in the school hallway. Because Z is standing there, he might also be reminded of the fact that Z went down a similar path and ended up a teen dad.

For question 3b, it’s important for you to communicate the enormous pressure his character must’ve felt as she advanced. His character was probably thinking that by avoiding her kiss, he would hurt her and potentially damage their relationship. Finding the kiss pleasurable would also feed into his inability to resist. In order to handle the situation better, he would need to first know why he should avoid the kiss in the first place. Kissing her in a public place would communicate his desire to take the physical part of their relationship even further in private. This would put both he and she at a higher risk of experiencing the physical, emotional, financial and relational consequences of sex. He might’ve handled it better by avoiding the kiss and letting her know how excited he was to come over for dinner tomorrow night so they could spend some quality time together.

Question #3a (If the teen selects turning from the kiss or avoiding it all together): How do you think your character was able to resist the temptation to kiss his girlfriend?

Question #3b (If the teen selects kissing the girlfriend back): Why do you think your character gave into the temptation to kiss her back? How could he have handled the situation better?

Download #3 – Unwise Ring Tone with Z If Main Character
Says, “I’m Not Gonna Tell You!” or
“When I Do, You’ll be the First Person I Tell.”
Wise Ring Tone with Z If Main Character Says, “Who Says I Will?”

Background: These ring tones occur after the girlfriend leaves and Z says, “Hey, man, you guys have been seeing each other for what? Two months? When are you going to…you know?”

Notes: Review questions 4a, 4b, or 4c depending on the choice your teen selected. For 4a, the main character is probably agitated that his friend has put him “on the spot” again regarding having sex. The reason for the unwise ring tone is that, although the main character doesn’t commit one way or the other to having sex, he could be thinking, “I might have sex with her, but I just won’t tell you about it.” This answer shows signs of starting to give in to Z’s pressure. Z walks away disgusted because he’s looking for the main character to justify his unwise choice to have sex, which unfortunately led to Z becoming a teen dad. Deep down Z might also be hoping the main character becomes a teen dad so they can commiserate about their situation.

For 4b, even if the main character knows it’s not wise to have sex before marriage, this kind of response gives Z an open door to increase the pressure because it seems like a cool thing to do. Z’s response reinforces this when he says, “That’s what I like to hear. Check you later.” Help the teen boy be realistic about the second part of this question. There is a lot of pressure during these teen years to feel a sense of belonging and respect. It’s important to share that a teen’s self esteem doesn’t need to come from risky behavior like sex, alcohol or drugs. These activities can lead to negative consequences that will affect their entire life. You can suggest alternative ways to feel good about themselves (e.g., church youth groups, sports, music, job).

For 4c, this is a great statement because it communicates that Z’s assumption of the main character having sex with his girlfriend is false. Z walks away disgusted because he’s looking for the main character to justify his unwise choice to have sex, which unfortunately led to Z becoming a teen dad. Deep down Z might also be hoping the main character becomes a teen dad so they can commiserate about their situation.

Question #4a (If teen selects “I’m not gonna tell you!”): Why do you think your character said this with an agitated tone? After your character’s response, why do you think Z walked away disgusted?

Question #4b (If teen selects “When I do, you’ll be the first person I tell.”): Why do you think this is an unwise thing to say to Z? Why do you suppose your character gave in to peer pressure here?

Question #4c (If teen selects “Who says I will?”): Why was this a wise thing to say to Z? After your character’s response, why do you think Z walked away disgusted?

 

 

Level Two

 

Download #4 – Unwise Ring Tone with Dad If Main Character
Says, “I Don’t Want to Bother You. It Can Wait.” or “No. Everything’s
OK. I’ll See You Later.”
Wise Ring Tone with Dad If Main Character Says, “Yeah, There Is.”

 

Background: These ring tone occur at the beginning of Level Two after the main character’s dad asks, “Just OK? Is there something you want to talk about?”

Notes: Review questions 5a, 5b, or 5c depending on the choice your teen selected. For 5a, although the character may have not wanted to bother his dad while he was working, the fact that he came into his office is a clear sign that something was on his mind and he wanted his dad’s advice. The character’s comment might suggest that he had second thoughts of bringing up this potentially uncomfortable topic or that he just wanted to put it off in hopes that it would just go away. The important thing to note is that the dad wasn’t too busy to recognize there was something bothering his son.

For 5b, even though the main character and his dad seem to have a pretty good relationship, there might be a reluctance to open up for fear of how his dad might react to his girlfriend wanting sex. He might also be trying to convince himself that everything is OK, however, we will find out in later levels that this conversation with his dad actually helps him overcome the temptation to have sex. The second part of the question is designed to help the teen boy relate this situation to his own life and give you an opportunity to mentor him in a potential high-risk area.

For 5c, it’s important to remember that the main character said at the end of Level 1 that he needed to talk to his dad about this. This suggests that his dad has been involved, responsible and committed to him. So, in addition to the dad showing by his actions that the main character was his priority at the beginning of Level 2, it’s clear he has made his son a priority consistently through life.

Question #5a (If teen selects “I don’t want to bother you. It can wait.”): Do you think your character said this because he really didn’t want to bother him? What might be some other reasons your character might have answered his dad this way? How did the dad get your character to open up anyway?

Question #5b (If teen selects “No. Everything’s OK. I’ll see you later.”): Why do you think your character approached his dad like he wanted to talk and then avoids talking when his dad gives him the chance? Have you ever experienced a time when you wanted to talk to an adult about a problem, but talked yourself out of it? How did you resolve the problem?

Question #5c (If teen selects “Yeah, there is.”): Why do you think your character was comfortable opening up to his dad with his problem? How did the dad get your character to open up?

 

Download #5 – Unwise Ring Tone If Main Character Says: “I’m Not Sure
I’m Ready To Talk About It,” or “No. That’s It.”
Wise Ring Tone If Main Character Says: “OK. I’m Just Not Sure How
To Say It.”

 

Background: These ring tones occur after the dad says, “Dads have big ears.”

Notes: Review question 6a or 6b depending on the choice your teen selected. For 6a, Although we don’t know for sure whether the character wants to talk about this topic with his dad, it is important to recognize the following 2 points: 1) the main character may have wanted to discuss this, but felt unsure of how to communicate his thoughts or feelings; 2) if the main character honestly didn’t want to talk about this, he most likely wouldn’t have come to his dad’s office when he knew his dad was busy working.

For 6b, the main character receives a wise ring tone primarily because of his willingness to share his issues and because of his honesty. You can encourage the teen boy by telling him sometimes it is difficult to put our thoughts and feelings into words. Let him know this is okay and to trust his parents or other concerned adult to help him articulate.

Question #6a (If teen selects “I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about it,” or “No, that’s it.”): Do you think your character wants to talk about sex with his dad even though he avoids talking? Why or why not?

Question #6b (If teen selects “OK. I’m just not sure how to say it.”): Why do you think your character downloads a wise ring tone here even though he doesn’t come right out and share what’s on his mind?

 

Level Three

Download #6 – Unwise Ring Tone If Main Character Says: “It’s All Good.
I’m Going To Talk To Her – We’re Going To Take It Slow,” or “No Offense
Z, But Can We Not Talk About Her For One Night?”
Wise Ring Tone If Main Character Says: “I Talked To My Dad, And
He Gave Me Some Good Advice. So, I Got It Covered.”

Background: These ring tones occur at the beginning of Level 3 right after Z says: “Dude, you look down. It’s your girlfriend isn’t it?”

Notes: Review questions 7a, 7b, or 7c depending on the choice your teen selected. For 7a, Negative peer pressure along with mainstream media can influence teen boys’ perception of what is “good” in relation to girls. For example, teen boys receive messages that it’s “good” if their girlfriends are promiscuous and girls can enjoy the power this gives them with boys. Additionally, boys are also being affected by hormonal changes that can make it difficult to avoid sexual temptation. In light of this information, it’s likely that the main character lied because he felt Z wouldn’t understand his struggle to avoid sex and the main character’s desire to avoid sex might result in others perceiving him as “uncool.”

For 7b, the main character probably suspects that Z is bringing this up to pressure him to have sex with his girlfriend again. The main character realizes his girlfriend is going to make him decide whether to have sex with him or not within the next day, which adds to his irritability with Z. Allow the teen boy to generate his own ideas and answers to this question, however, it is important to stress how difficult it can be to do what you know is right.

For 7c, This might be a good time to discuss the relationship the teen boy has with his dad (or you if you’re his dad) because this question is designed to show the impact a father, parent or mentor can have on making wise choices. Both parties, however, must be willing to trust and engage on a meaningful level, so this provides a great opportunity to commit (or recommit) to the teen boy.

Question #7a (If teen selects “It’s all good. I’m going to talk to her – we’re going to take it slow”): It’s clear that your character doesn’t really believe “it’s all good” with his girlfriend. Why do you think he lied to Z?

Question #7b (If teen selects “No offense Z, but can we not talk about her for one night?”): Why do you think your character gets so upset at Z’s question? What might be some reason that Z looks so surprised by your character’s reaction?

Question #7c (If teen selects “I talked to my dad, and he gave me some good advice. So, I got it covered”): Do you think your character would’ve been able to stand his ground with Z if he wouldn’t have talked to his dad earlier? Why or why not?

 

Level Four

Download #6 – Unwise Ring Tone If Main Character Says: “It’s all good.

Download #7 – Unwise Ring Tone If Main Character Kisses
Girlfriend Uncomfortably.
Wise Ring Tone If Main Character Pulls Back From Kiss or Dodges
Kiss on the Lips.

 

Background: These ring tones occur towards the beginning of the level right when the girlfriend answers the door.

Notes: Review questions 8a or 8b depending on the choice your teen selected. For 8a, although kissing in-and-of-itself is not always a bad thing, it’s important to note that inappropriate kissing and kissing in front of other people can lead to more inappropriate actions, opening a higher risk of sexual activity especially when the teens find themselves alone.

For 8b, the main character does a great job of using her mom in the background as a way to get out of kissing and moving away from the “surprise” she has for him.

Question 8a (If teen chooses to kiss girlfriend uncomfortably): Why do you think your character downloaded the “Baby Mama Drama” ring tone just for kissing his girlfriend?

Question 8b (If teen selects to pull back or dodge kiss): How did your character avoid the kiss without making his girlfriend feel rejected or that he didn’t like her?

Download #8 And #9 – Unwise Ring Tone When Main Character
Agrees to Go Upstairs with His Girlfriend and When
The Girlfriend Locks Her Bedroom Door.

 

Background: These 2 ring tones occur back-to-back when they end up in the girlfriend’s bedroom.

Notes: Review question 9. For the first part of this question, help the teen boy understand how difficult it can be to make wise choices. There’s a tendency to justify this kind of situation by thinking the temptation can be controlled. But, by being alone with her, he has put himself in a vulnerable situation. For the second part of this question, he could’ve said something like, “We don’t need to be alone in your room to talk. Why don’t we talk downstairs? Dinner will probably be ready soon anyway.” The third part of this question is designed to help the teen boy understand how important an involved dad is. Even if he doesn’t have an involved dad, you can emphasize the importance for when he becomes a dad himself.

Question #9: Why do you think your character gave in to his girlfriend’s wish to go to her bedroom? What could he have done or said that would’ve avoided going to her bedroom? Who helped your character resist sexual temptation even when he was completely alone with his girlfriend?

Download #10 – Unwise Ring Tone When Main Character Kisses
Girlfriend Back.
Wise Ring Tone When Main Character Says “Do You Think
We’re Ready for This Kind of Stuff?” or “We Can’t. We Have to Stop.”

Background: These ring tones occur when the main character and his girlfriend are on her bed.

Notes: Review questions 10a, 10b, or 10c depending on the choice your teen selected. For 10a, inappropriately long kisses like this can make it difficult for your character to resist sexual temptation. Again, help the teen boy be realistic about the power of temptation and the importance of not putting himself in this precarious situation in the first place.

For 10b, this response is so good because it prevents his girlfriend from going forward with her “surprise” by asking her a question. This shows that he values her, but also begins to open up a dialog, rather than just acting on impulse.

For 10c, this is a great opportunity to share how difficult this would be and to point out that he could’ve avoided this situation by insisting they stay downstairs to talk.

Question #10a (If teen selects to kiss girlfriend back): On a scale of 1 being “easy” and 5 being “difficult,” how would you rate your character’s ability to go no further than the kiss?

Question #10b (If teen says “Do you think we’re ready for this kind of stuff?”): What makes your character’s response so good?

Question #10c (If teen says, “We can’t. We have to stop.”): How realistic do you think your character’s response is in real life?

 

Level Six

 

Download #11 – Unwise Ring Tone When Main Character Says “You
Don’t Have to Talk to Him Tonight, You Can Wait.”
Wise Ring Tone When Main Character Says, “Are You Going to Talk to
Him Tonight?” of “You Can Do This. Just Tell Him How You Feel…”

 

Background: These ring tones occur at the beginning of the level.

Notes: Review questions 11a or 11b depending on the choice your teen selected. For 11a, although we don’t know for sure why he would discourage her, it could be based on the fact that he knows her dad isn’t as open to talking as his dad and she might get hurt even further. The point to make here is that communicating her feelings far outweighs the risk of never being close to her dad. If she helps him realize what she needs from him, he can begin making some change.

For 11b, the main character’s encouragement here will not only help the relationship with her father grow, but also communicate love and concern for her in a non-sexual way.

Question #11a (If teen says “You don’t have to talk to him tonight, you can wait”): What would be some reasons your character would discourage his girlfriend from talking to her dad?

Question #11b (If teen says “Are you going to talk to him tonight?” or “You can do this. Just tell him how you feel…”): How much do you think your character’s encouragement means to his girlfriend here? Why?

 

Use these discussions for further conversations with your teen!

For Dads

For Moms

For Educators