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The Father Factor

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Ryan Sanders

Ryan is Director of Marketing and Communications at National Fatherhood Initiative. He is married with two young daughters and lives in Northern Virginia.
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Recent Posts

Football, Family, and Fatherhood: Learn About When The Game Stands Tall

Inspired by a true story, When The Game Stands Tall shows the real-life De La Salle High School's incredible football winning streak and exactly what created the victories. This film is about football, but make no mistake about it, this film is about fatherhood. Let it inspire you to be a better leader for your home and for those around you.

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It's in theaters now, I'll write more about the leadership lessons from this film in an upcoming post. But first, you have to see the trailer! Coaches and parents who watch will be motivated by being reminded of the real reason you put in the time and effort to lead your children—in good times and bad.

“Winning a lot of football games is doable. Teaching kids there’s more to life? That’s hard.” —Coach Bob Ladouceur in the movie
When The Game Stands Tall

About When The Game Stands Tall

Inspired by the true story, When The Game Stands Tall brings to life the incredible winning streak of the De La Salle High School football team: 151 straight victories over 12 years. All along the way, as Coach Bob Ladouceur builds his seemingly invincible national powerhouse, he has emphasized purpose and significance rather than streaks and titles.

But when real-life adversity leaves the team reeling, the Spartans must decide if the sacrifice, commitment, and teamwork they have always trusted in can rebuild what is now disintegrating around them.

Get a Sneak Peek of When The Game Stands Tall

Check out these scenes from the new family film that show the real-life world of coaching, football, and leadership.

 

Endorsements

"WHEN THE GAME STANDS TALL has the best football action I have ever seen in a movie—and I have seen a lot of great football movies over the years! Coaches, players, parents, and fans are all going to stand up and cheer for this powerful film."
—Bobby Bowden, Retired Florida State head football coach

"When I saw WHEN THE GAME STANDS TALL, I thought of a great outline of what high school athletics should be. It shouldn’t be about the statistics, it shouldn’t be about the touchdowns—it should be about the team and the effort that a team puts forth together."
—Amani Toomer, Super Bowl champion and former De La Salle receiver

See more endorsements here.

Follow When The Game Stands Tall!

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Become a Double Duty Dad Today! 

In this film, we see Coach Lad is what we at NFI calll a "Double Duty Dad". With 24 million children growing up in America without their biological father in the home, you can make a difference:

1) to a fatherless child in your circle of influence or
2) mentor another dad.

Your commitment to be a Double Duty Dad will change everything. Visit here to get our helpful eBook.

Assistance Needed: Fatherhood Research & Practice Network Poll

In June 2014, the Fatherhood Research and Practice Network (FRPN) launched to promote rigorous evaluation of fatherhood programs. The FRPN will announce its first grant awards to researcher and program/practitioner teams this fall.  

If you read The Father Factor Blog, you know that NFI's president Christopher A. Brown has written about funding fatherhood research as he serves on the FRPN steering committee. NFI is committed to helping you help fathers. In addition to funding new research, the FRPN plans to offer free technical assistance (TA) to fatherhood programs to strengthen their ability to do evaluation research.

Screen_Shot_2014-05-29_at_12.39.39_PM-1What types of TA for evaluation do fatherhood programs need? The FRPN would like to hear from programs and practitioners.

Here are a few ideas:

  • Develop a computerized management information (MIS) system to track client enrollment, service delivery and outcomes. This is designed for programs that don’t have a system in place and will include a low-cost monthly hosting fee.
  • Offer consulting services for programs to improve use of their MIS.
  • Provide one-on-one consulting services on evaluation for interested programs.
  • Develop measurement tools and research instruments targeted to father engagement, co-parenting and other important outcomes.
  • Create an Institutional Review Board (IRB) for fatherhood programs that do not have access to one or are not connected with a university.
  • Develop a certificate program on evaluation research for fatherhood program staff that qualifies for continuing education credit.
  • Continue to develop videos, webinars and other resources focused on program evaluation and post them on the FRPN website (www.frpn.org). 
  • Develop an evaluation self-assessment tool for programs.
  • Help programs connect with researchers in close proximity who are interested in doing evaluation research projects.

Help the FRPN determine what types of TA the fatherhood field needs by completing the FRPN TA poll! Visit here to get started. We appreciate your time and feedback!


The FRPN seeks to:

  • Promote rigorous evaluation of fatherhood programs.
  • Expand the number of researchers and practitioners collaborating to evaluate these programs.
  • Disseminate information that leads to effective fatherhood practice and evaluation research.

NFI’s New Evidence-Based Program Offerings to Serve At-Risk Teen and Young Adult Fathers and Couples

Innovative Partnership to Help Organizations and Communities Teach At-Risk Teens and Young Adults How to Create Healthy Relationships for the Sake of Children.

National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI), the nation’s leading provider of fatherhood skill-building materials and training, has formed an innovative partnership with The Dibble Institute to offer two programs that will be implemented by community-based organizations across the nation, Relationships Smarts PLUS and Love Notes. The programs help at-risk teens and young adults who are and are not parents learn how to create healthy relationships—and ultimately—healthy families.

Dibble-PR-ImageOrganizations will use Relationships Smarts PLUS to teach teens and young adults how to make wise decisions about relationships, sex, dating, and pregnancy prevention, thus laying the foundation for them to be effective parents when the time is right, and not before. For teens and young adults who are parents, organizations will use Love Notes to help this population with one of its greatest challenges to effective parenting—lack of relationship skills between parents—and to make wise choices (e.g. planned pregnancies) that are also critical challenges they face and essential to building a strong family now and for the future.

Relationships Smarts PLUS is listed on The National Registry of Evidence-Based Programs and Practices (NREPP), and Loves Notes (an adaptation of Relationships Smarts PLUS) is currently part of a rigorous evaluation as a pregnancy prevention strategy for at-risk youth, funded by a Tier II grant from the Administration for Children, Youth, and Families. Love Notes has also been shown to be effective as part of a rigorous evaluation in which males comprised nearly 70 percent of both intervention and control groups.

NFI president Christopher A. Brown says

“These two new offerings from NFI will help organizations that work with teens and young adults—whether parents or future parents, dads or moms—equip young people with the skills and knowledge they need to develop healthy relationships now and in the future and, ultimately, to be the parents their children need or will need them to be.”

About this innovative partnership, Brown says

“We know that there has been a lack of quality programs for teen and young adult dads because our customers have asked for such programs for many years. We could have created our own programs, but after conducting research into the salient issues facing this population—and whether such programs already exist that have been shown through evaluations to be effective with males—we discovered the two Dibble programs which center on healthy relationships. And with that being perhaps the most salient of the issues, it was a no-brainer to make these two programs a part of our offerings. They allow organizations to work with teen and young adult dads separately or couples together, and NFI to continue expansion of our resources for moms focused on improving the relationships between dads and moms for the sake of children.”

For 20 years, NFI has worked to end father absence by creating healthy families across the nation. These two new offerings are one of the many ways NFI continues working to help organizations and communities better serve young families through involved, responsible, and committed fathers.

If you would like to learn more, visit Relationship Smarts PLUS and Love Notes.

10 Ways To Be a Better Dad

Today, more and more dads like you are experiencing the satisfaction and reward of taking a more active role in the life of your child. Read and discover how these 10 simple ideas can help (or remind) you to start today on a new path—one that will impact your relationships...and your child's future. 

1) Respect Your Children's Mother

One of the best things you, as a dad, can do for your children is to respect their mother. If you are married, maybe this goes without saying, but I'll say it just in case; keep your marriage strong and healthy. Take time, as least weekly, to work on this relationship and keep it strong. If you're not married, it's still important to respect and support the mother of your children. A father and mother who respect each other, and let their children know it, provide a secure environment for the children. When children see their parents respecting each other, they are more likely to feel they are also accepted and respected. Find more on protecting your marriage.

10 ways to be a better dad fatherhood2) Spend Time With Your Children

This is more complicated that is sounds, I know. But, how a dad spends his time tells his children what's important to him. You've no doubt heard us say, Children spell "love": T-I-M-E. If you always seem too busy for your children, they will feel neglected no matter what you say. Treasuring children often means sacrificing other things, but it is essential to spend time with your children. Kids grow up so quickly. Missed opportunities are lost forever. Need ideas for how to spend your time? Here are 7 Ways to Connect with Your Kids

3) Listen First, Talk Second

All too often the only time a father speaks to his children is when they are getting in trouble. That's why many children may cringe when their mother says, "Your father wants to talk with you." Take time and listen to your children's ideas and problems. Listening helps them feel respected and understood. Begin listening and talking with your kids when they are young so that difficult subjects will be easier to handle as they get older. 

4) Discipline With Love

All children need guidance and discipline, not as punishment, but to set reasonable limits. Remind your children of the consequences of their actions and provide meaningful rewards for desirable behavior. Fathers who discipline in a calm and fair manner show love to their children. Get our 8 Things to Know About Disciplining Your Child.

5) Be A Role Model

Fathers are role models to their kids, whether they realize it or not. A girl who spends time with a loving father grows up knowing she deserves to be treated with respect by boys, and what to look for in a husband. Fathers can teach sons what is important in life by demonstrating honesty, humility, and responsibility. Here's a great example of a role model dad in case you need one.

6) Be A Teacher

Too often we think teaching is something others do at a school building. But a father who teaches his children about right and wrong, and encourages them to do their best, will see his children make good choices. Involved fathers use everyday examples to help their children learn the basic lessons of life. Consider the vital knowledge you, and you only, possess with regard to music and classic movies at this point!

7) Eat Together As A Family

Sharing a meal together (breakfast, lunch, or dinner) can be an important part of healthy family life. In addition to providing some structure on a busy day, it gives kids the chance to talk about what they are doing and want to do. It is also a good time for fathers to listen. Most importantly, it is a time for families to be together each day. 

8) Read To Your Children

In a world where television and technology dominates the lives of children, it is important that fathers make the effort to read to their children. Children learn best by doing and reading, as well as seeing and hearing. Read to your children when they are very young. When they are older, encourage them to read on their own. Instilling your children with a love for reading is one of the best ways to ensure they will have a lifetime of growth. We wrote a little something called 6 Tips on How to Show Your Child Reading is Awesome. Let's be honest, it's helpful.

9) Show Affection

Children need the security that comes from knowing they are wanted, accepted, and loved by their family. Dad, get comfortable hugging your children. Showing affection every day is the best way to let your children know that you love them.

10) Realize A Father's Job Is Never Done

Even after children are grown and ready to leave home, they will still look to their fathers for wisdom and advice. Whether it's continued schooling, a new job or a wedding, fathers continue to play an essential part in the lives of their children as they grow and, perhaps, marry and build their own families. 

Which one of these 10 ways do you find the most difficult? Why?

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Fatherhood Leader: We have these 10 Ways to Be a Better Dad created as brochures and tip cards for you to use with your group of dads in any setting.

image: iStockPhoto

See How Connecticut is Changing Fatherhood and Why It Matters to You

In a recent issue of Connecticut Magazine, Ray Bendici writes, "The Changing Face of Fatherhood in Connecticut" and takes a look inside the fatherhood program that is literally changing lives. Learn what this group is doing to help dads connect with their children. 

Ray writes for Connecticut Magazine:

it's Monday afternoon at Madonna Place in downtown Norwich, men ranging in age from their early twenties up to mid-fifties trickle into the plain brick building...They greet each other with fist bumps and handshakes, load paper plates with pizza, sit down at the table and start talking about busting their asses at work, trying to negotiate child visitation with ex-wives and girlfriends, navigating legal issues, going fishing with their kids...and motorcycles—you know, guy stuff.

connecticut_magazine_changing_fatherhoodWill Marquez is the leader of the 24/7 Dad® program and leads a dozen men in 90-minute sessions all connected and ready to learn how to be better dads.

Bendici points out that around 90 percent of the men in this program are single dads and are referred either by a social services agency or others who have successfully completed the program.

Some things jumped out at me from Bendici's article that will prove useful and encouraging for you.

U.S. Census data for Connecticut shows that in 2000:

  • 676,467 married households—52% of the state population.

By 2010, that number had dipped to:

  • 672,013—49% despite the overall population of the state having grown from 3.41 million to 3.57 million.

In Bendici words, "there are more singleparents—and singledads—than ever before, which means fatherhood has become an evolving enterprise."

As we know from our years of experience working with community-based fatherhood programs, many point to employment as one of the biggest roadblocks to improved paternal relationsAnthony Judkins, program manager of Connecticut’s Fatherhood Initiative since it started in 1999 says, “When you have children, there are no instructions on being a father...when you have been incarcerated and you are a felon, when you have low education levels, when you have child-support debt that continues to mount—those things are sometimes insurmountable." This is where the fatherhood program comes in.

The fatherhood program in Norwich has been successful:

  • helped 152 fathers (and 302 children)
  • 56% of unemployed fathers obtained employment after program enrollment,
  • 60% of fathers initiated, resumed or caught up on child support payments because of the assistance they received

All of the above positive results have, as you might imagine, translated into better relationships with their children.

As one session at Madonna Place wraps up, Bendici recalls an exercise. Will Marquez poses a scenario of teenage son smoking marijuana, and asks the fathers in the group how they would handle the situation, especially given that many of the dads have used it themselves.

Bendici writes that, "Before the discussion goes too far, a man named Jeff raises his hand—he thinks his 15-year-old son may already be using marijuana. “I was that age when I started smoking, so trust me, I can tell,” he says."

The dads in the group have a wide variety of advice, some common sense and some not-so-common. But, Jeff is happy to have the support of other dads. After listening to the advice, he replies, “I think I have a good idea of how I’m going to address it now.”

As the group breaks for the evening, Travis (a father of three) is seated at a table, completing an exit survey (this was his twelfth and final session to get his certificate of completion).

Bendici recalls overhearing a conversation between Travis and another dad, “So are you done here now that you’ve got it?” someone asks him. “No,” Travis says with a smile. “I’ll definitely be back for more.”

I'm glad Bendici wrote about this fatherhood program. While reading this story, I was reminded of how much work there is to do in helping dads be better dads. Fatherhood work can seem daunting; but, it's encouraging to know groups like this one in Connecticut exist, not only because Connecticut families need it, but every family needs it.

Father Involvement and the Gender Gap in Education

A new column by Christopher Brown in The Huffington Post reveals how a new gender gap has started in higher education. Brown points out that women are enrolling in and graduating from college at much higher rates than men. In this post, get details on the issue so you can help encourage dads around you.  

kids_in_classroomBrown writes in How dads' Involvement Can Address the Gender Gap in Higher Education, which I recommend you read in full, but some insights you should know are as follows:

  • In 1994, the proportion of female and male high school graduates who enrolled in college was virtually the same (63 percent and 61 percent, respectively). By 2012, a sizable gap had emerged with 71 percent of female high school graduates enrolled in college compared to 61 percent of males.
  • The gap doesn't discriminate based on race or ethnicity.
  • Women now represent nearly three-fifths of graduate students.
  • While we should celebrate that more women attend college and obtain degrees than ever before, we should be concerned that men are being left behind and that extremely little is being done about it.
  • This trend has dire economic and social consequences.
  • Men who don't graduate from college earn less money, for example, than men who do. It also makes them more vulnerable to unemployment, which has a host of consequences that include a higher risk for criminal behavior.

What can we do to address this gender gap?

  • Greater father involvement in the lives of high school students.
  • Father absence is at the heart of the educational challenges faced by boys and men.
  • Boys are more likely to drop out of high school, for example, when they grow up without their dads. (Accordingly, My Brother's Keeper acknowledges this fact.)

Brown mentions a recent study on the impact of father involvement on college graduation rates and says it reveals why "greater father involvement is vital to addressing the gender gap specifically and increasing college graduation rates generally because, quite frankly, we should also be concerned that only 1 of 3 young adults, regardless of gender, graduates from college."

Brad Wilcox of the University of Virginia studied children ages 7-12 by dividing teens into four groups based on their fathers' level of involvement:

  1. not involved
  2. less involved
  3. involved
  4. very involved

Wilcox findings were as follows:

  • regardless of socioeconomic status and compared to teens of not involved dads, teens with involved dads were 98 percent more likely to graduate from college while teens with very involved fathers were 105 percent more likely to graduate from college.

Brown summarizes:

more involved fathers contribute to more college success for our nation's young adults and is a much more cost-effective solution than hundreds of programs and initiatives that, while laudable and part of the solution, don't go far enough upstream and cost a ton of money.

Wilcox and Brown make it clear that while the dads in the home are more involved than ever; sadly, more children are growing up without dad in the home. Fixing this education gap means understanding and working to fix the father absence problem.

Read the full article at The Huffington Post

 

7 Brands Who Got Dad Commercials Right

In the hectic schedule of Father's Day, we're catching up to these great videos. Thanks to The Agency Post, we were reminded of some of the brands who got their portrayal of dad right. 

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I've worked at NFI for over two years now, one thing that still surprises me is the lame portrayal of dads in media and advertising. But, I'm not going to complain in this post, I promise. Keeping positive, these seven brands got fatherhood right this time.

Take note brands, you can be funny, witty, and/or serious, and still show involved, responsible, and committed dads. Thanks Jami Oetting at The Agency Post for reminding us of the positive dad-portrayal in advertising with her post Dads in Advertising: 10 Commercials that Challenge the 'Doofus Dad' Stereotype.

Fatherhood Leaders: use these videos to start a conversation about the portrayal of dads in media. Ask dads: which depiction do you more often see of dads in media: doofus dad or responsible dad?  

Brand 1 > Dove Men+Care "Calling Dads" 
Perhaps you've notice by now, we kind of like this new Dove Men+Care commercial.

Along with the commercial, Dove released new research of 1,000 fathers between the ages of 25 and 54 that found, “Three quarters of dads say they are responsible for their child’s emotional well-being, while only 20% of dads see this role reflected in media.”

Dove Men+Care went the extra mile and asked dads to post using #RealDadMoments on social media. Awesome, and tear-worthy. Go dads, and Dove!  

 

Brand 2 > Extra “Origami”
The smallest gesture can make the biggest impact on a daughter.


Brand 3 > Subaru “Flat Tire”
Dads can’t teach you everything, but they can teach you that you can do anything. 


Brand 4 > Cardstore “Dad Casting – World’s Toughest Job”  
Casting for “dad” can be tough. But being a dad isn’t an act.  


Brand 5 > Ad Council “Cheerleader”
 
Pride goes to a new level when you become a father.  


Brand 6 > Cheerios “Gracie” 
Explaining changes in your family in simple ways can sometimes lead to an even bigger family.  


Brand 7 > Google Chrome “Dear Sophie” 
Remember: Your dad is there from the beginning, witnessing every moment.  


Which commercial is your favorite?

Day 91: My Journey from Obese to Overweight #P90X3Dads

I know what you're thinking, the title of this post sounds underwhelming. I've gone from obese to overweight in 90 days doing the P90X3 program. While "overweight" doesn't sound like an accomplishment, it is to me. I've experienced many improvements physically and mentally in the last 90 days. Let's talk details...

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Last Father's Day (2013), I made a goal:

Lose 50 pounds by next Father's Day (2014).

Crazy idea? Sure. But a goal without a deadline is just a dream, right?!

I'm happy to report that after one year...I reached my goal! I lost 50 pounds. Typing this doesn't sound true. Last year at Father's Day I weigh 230 pounds. This year, I weighed 180 pounds.

I'm still overweight for my height, but I'm no longer in the obese category. Congratulate me on my fitness in the comments! ; )

Over the last 90 days of doing P90X3 I've learned a few things and I've changed in many ways. At a glance, this was my 90-day journey in blog posts:

  1. Day Zero: Pressing Play on Fit Fathering
  2. Day 37: Dream Bigger Than a Smaller Number
  3. Day 74: Respect Water

What I Have Learned...

  • Habit matters: I'm a creature of habit; so are you. What we do daily is what matters. Don't think in terms of weekly or monthly about your health; think daily. Heck, think hourly. Pick a time of day that works best for you, preferably when you have the most energy, and exercise. Let nothing get in your way. This is you-time! With P90X3 there's one rest day per week. For me, the one day off each week is still a time to be active. If I'm inactive for one day, I want to be inactive for two days.
  • Water is key: I've written and talked so much about water I'll spare here, just know that without drinking massive amounts of H20 you will not reach your goals. Why? Mostly because you'll be hungry and more likely to consume salt, sugar, tables, chairs, lawn equipment and the like. Also, you can forget exercise because you won't have the energy for it.
  • Diet matters too: See my water post, but also, eat about a third of what you are now. If you're obese and reading this post, my guess is that you, like me, became obese by eating too much of too many bad things at too many times—and not drinking enough water. 
  • Oh, and be active: Whether it's 15 minutes, 30 minutes, or an hour, being active changes everything. Trust me, you may not feel like doing anything but sofa-planking, but once you start doing something, you'll feel better. This comes in time, I promise.

How I've Changed...

  • Mentally: I'm pretty sure my wife would tell you I'm happier now than 90 days ago. I say "pretty sure" because I'm still a stressed-out jerk about stupid stuff I can't control. But, daily exercise gives me moments of euphoria you might call "happiness". Eating right for a span of a few meals and snacks has the same affect. If you feel more energetic, you'll probably feel like doing productive stuff. I'm more alert and have noticed moments of deeper concentration. I'm accomplishing more at work and working more efficiently. It's like taking the Limitless pill NZT except I can remember what I've done instead of waking up in a torn suit on the Brooklyn bridge. Y'all have seen that movie right? Nevermind.
  • Physically: I went from 230 pounds to 198 pounds before starting P90X3. But here are several changes I have noticed in the 90 days (from Day Zero to Day 91):
    • Weight: Lost 18 pounds—from 198 to 180.
    • Chest: From XL (Extra-Large) shirts to L (Large). Also, went from super-snug 44 blazer to slim fit 44 (could get away with a regular 42!).
    • Waist: From snug 38-inch pants to loose 34's (almost to size 32's!).
    • Face: My face is no longer round: this is good because my face was never supposed to be round.
    • Feet: My feet no longer hurt. I used to complain about my shoes; but the shoes weren't the issue. Now, even when I spend all day walking in flip-flops, my feet aren't hurting. Hello, barefeet summer!
    • Hands: My wedding ring fits. I was convinced my wedding ring was becoming smaller. Now, it fits like the day Tonia lovingly placed it on my finger. PS: Fingers shouldn't swell or change much over the years unless there are possible health issues. Read the signs, brothers and sisters.

In the last year, but especially in the last 90 days, I have gone from obese to overweight. In the next 90 days (I've already started a second round of P90X3), my goal is to go from overweight to fit. But for now, I have to be excited and feel encouraged (see pics here. sign-in required). Within 90 days, I'm ready to be in the best shape of my entire life. I wish nothing but the same for you.

Note: No dad was paid for this post. We were, however, given a base kit and two kits to giveaway because the Beach Body folks are so awesome. We'll hand-select one winner who uses #P90X3Dads on social media or comments on the blog. Tell us: What would a free copy of P90X3 do for you?

Happy Father's Day!

Father's Day is kind of a big deal when you're National Fatherhood Initiative. 

DOVE-MEN-LOGO_v1[1]When most of today's advertising and media portray dads as stupid, incompetent, bumbling and the like, Dove Men+Care rises above all that noise by showing that a brand can not only move product, but celebrate dads.

Dove Men+Care continues to be on the cutting edge of men's products while showing real, caring dads. We are grateful for such a brand and feel it's worth promoting them. This is not a sponsored email from Dove, we promise. But this Father's Day, after seeing all the negative portrayals of dads, we paused to watch this film again and again this week. Now, watch it and cry with us!

Take a moment today to celebrate the dad in your life. Watch this video from Dove Men+Care and share it with your family and friends. Happy Father's Day! 

New Release: Father-Readiness Training Kit™

DIY Kit helps organizations and communities prepare to serve dads: National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI), the nation’s leading provider of fatherhood skill-building materials and training, has released the Father-Readiness Training Kit™, a new do-it-yourself kit to help organizations and communities prepare to serve fathers.

father-readiness training kit The kit captures over 15 years of NFI experience in training organizations on how to implement low- and no-cost strategies and tactics to engage fathers and to create an environment that supports successful fatherhood services and programs. To develop a field-tested and field-ready set of tools, NFI’s fathering experts drew from NFI’s experience running the federally-funded National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse and several national and state-level fatherhood initiatives.

In many communities across the country, there is a dearth of services available to fathers, often in communities where services for mothers and children are abundant. “Father-Readiness” is a process implemented by an organization, group of organizations, or group of community leaders to create an environment that increases father engagement.

Accordingly, the Father-Readiness Training Kit™ helps organizations address the barriers to creating and implementing effective services for dads; undertake the foundational work necessary to create a supportive environment for programs; and address the five Ps: Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance. 

The kit includes:

  • CD with a User’s Guide 
  • NFI’s Father Friendly Check-Up™ assessment
  • PowerPoint presentation for training staff
  • comprehensive set of planning and implementation documents to conduct and evaluate the father-readiness training and process.

“We are excited about the impact the Father-Readiness Training Kit™ will have on communities across the country working to implement effective fatherhood programs,” said Christopher Brown, president of NFI. “Nothing like this has ever been offered in the field before. It opens new opportunities for organizations to engage fathers in ways they never thought possible. And for organizations that want to have a broad impact in addressing father absence, this tool allows them to train other organizations across their communities.”

Through August 15, 2014, the Father-Readiness Training Kit™ will be available at an introductory price of $759 through NFI’s FatherSOURCE resource center. After August 15, the price will increase to $999.

Lowe's, LG & Dove Men+Care: One of These Messages is Not Like the Other

Christopher Brown explains in The Huffington Post what's wrong with Lowe's and LG's new commercials and what they get wrong about fathers.

As you not-doubt know by reading our blog, from writing about work and family balance to relationshipswe take fatherhood seriously. It's worth noting, especially given it's Father's Day week, that as you prepare to celebrate the dad in your life, be sure you understand how culture often portrays dads.

As Brown writes about the two new commercials by Lowe's and LG, these commercials, "...show that our culture still has a long, long way to go in portraying dads as competent parents."

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You can read Brown's full post here, but the Lowe's commercial called "Valspar Reserve: Video Call" is worth talking about in more detail.

Brown writes, "I've seen a lot of commercials in my nearly 15 years with NFI that have used humor to portray fathers in less than a positive light. But this Lowe's commercial is one of the worst I've seen. I don't find it humorous -- not one bit."

As you watch the video, ask yourself, is this really what we want to think of the dad in our life? Note some of Brown's concerns of this Valspar Reserve Paints commercials' portrayal of dad:

  • An irresponsible, untrustworthy adolescent.
  • A sneak and liar.
  • Incapable of meeting his children's most basic needs or appropriately dealing with his children's behavior.
  • A manipulator of his wife and children. 

 

Sadly, the LG commercial "Just Like Magic" is just as bad in its portrayal of dads. Brown points out, "it's typical of the portrayal of dads by consumer brands as unintelligent parents who are, at best, caring but incompetent." 

 

I appreciate Brown's point here, aside from him being my boss, he makes a great point:

What these commercials have in common, beyond the obvious, is that they reflect the double standard that too many consumer brands apply when portraying women and men as parents. (Notable exceptions include Dove Men+Care and Home Depot -- sorry Lowe's.) They attempt to empower women (the clear targets of the commercials) by demeaning men.

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Brown then asks readers:

  • If you're a woman reading this post, do you want or need to be empowered by this means?
  • Do you want your children to see dads (and, if you have sons, themselves by extension) as idiots and incapable of parenting?

Reminder for brands: Father's Day is Sunday. Use all the humor you want in your commercials. Do comical stuff using dads and kids and your products, it's fine, really. But please, learn what "celebrating dad" looks like.

Dove Men+Care has not sponsored this post, but just as an example worth noting, watch this commerical and note the contrast in portrayal of fatherhood:

Between Lowe's, LG, and Dove Men+Care, which commercial do you prefer watching? Why?

Deployed Dads: The Risks Facing Military Children and How You Can Help

When dad is deployed, families are affected. A study by Child Trends, found young children are especially vulnerable to a father's deployment. We must know the research and be intentional about helping military families and their children have the greatest opportunity to growing into well-adjusted adults. how to help military child when dad is deployed

Nearly half-a-million children younger than six have an active-duty parent. Many children have two active-duty parents. Much like when we talk about about fatherhood from community-based and corrections settings, we also understand military families face unique challenges; especially when dad is deployed.

After reviewing a research brief by Child Trends, I was reminded of the importance of being educated on the stats if we are to help military fathers connect to their children. In Home Front Alert: The Risks Facing Young Children in Military Families, David Murphey reveals findings that can help us understand where the challenges and opportunities are with military fathers:

  • 500,000 young children in military families have one and in some cases two-parents in service. 
  • 1 in 5 service members returning home from deployment in Iraq or Afghanistan report acute stress, depression, anxiety or PTSD.
  • The reunion of a deployed parent with his or her family can be accompanied by new risks and challenges—particularly if the returning parent has serious physical or mental problems.
  • Young children’s well-being typically mirrors the well-being of their caregivers. When their parent or other caregiver is depressed, anxious, or angry, they are likely to be unwell, or to have behavior problems. In some cases, these young children may be at risk for harm (maltreatment).
  • A key strategy for supporting the well-being of children in military families is to see that the non-deployed parent has good emotional, social, and practical support.
  • Families with a deployed National Guard or Reserves member are comparatively underserved, lacking the formal, and informal, supports typically available to their on-base peers.
  • Many of these children will continue to have exceptional needs as they grow older.

David Murphey writes for Child Trends 5 Risks Facing Young Children in our Military Families:

More than two million children in the U.S. have had a parent deploy to Afghanistan or Iraq. When a parent goes to war ­and often for years afterward­ families are deeply affected. Young children are especially vulnerable, because they're physically and emotionally dependent on adults, and because their brain development can be disrupted by high levels of stress. When young children experience high levels of stress and trauma, the effects can continue well after their parents' military service ends, when their families may have less access to needed supports.

Child Trends examined the special circumstances of the lives of children under age six in military families. From the research, they offer five reasons why young children in military families might be at risk:

1) Deployment is stressful, even for the non-­deployed: The parent who stays behind may experience depression, anxiety, and loss of financial/social support when their spouse deploys. Getting and keeping child care and health care may be a challenge. How well young children thrive under the circumstances of deployment can depend on how well the non-­deployed parent copes with these challenges.

2) Young children may blame themselves: Young children may not understand the facts surrounding their deployed parent's leave. They may feel responsible for causing the losses, and develop emotional or behavioral problems because of this.

The research from Child Trends found that children's reactions are influenced by their age:

  • babies may become listless, irritable, or stop eating
  • toddlers may become more withdrawn or sad, or have more tantrums or sleep problems
  • preschoolers may become more "clingy" or otherwise regress in their behavior, and may openly express their fears
  • older children may experience emotional or behavioral problems, anxiety symptoms, and academic difficulties

3) Cumulative stress can put children at risk: Excessive stress changes brain processes that regulate emotion and behavior, and can have other damaging health effects. The quality of relationships, especially a young child's attachment to his or her parents, can increase negative effects.

When stress on the non­-deployed parent reaches overload, good parenting may suffer. Children are at greater risk for abuse or neglect when a parent is deployed. The longer the deployment and number of tours may be especially difficult on families.

4) The end of deployment can bring new challenges: Just because the deployed dad returns home, doesn't mean everything is fine. It can take time for a returning parent to reintegrate into family life. Young children may need time to get reacquainted with a parent who, in some cases, they don't remember. When returning military members have suffered injuries (physical or psychological) ­young children can react with fear and anxiety.

The research points out that parental roles and styles of coping during deployment need to be renegotiated. There is an increased risk for domestic violence under these circumstances. About one in six service members returning from deployment in Afghanistan or Iraq returns home with post­ traumatic stress disorder, traumatic brain injuries, and other serious mental disorders. This adds to the risks faced by their children and families.

5) The armed forces has changed, and the system is straining to meet its needs: America's armed forces continues to change. Today, mothers with minor children make up about one in six members of the active­-duty military. Children in dual­-military families (about six percent of the total) can have their home lives completely overturned when the second parent is deployed.

While the military has a child care system that has been the envy of the civilian world, the system currently strains to meet the need. With increased numbers of parents in the Guard or Reserves (now nearly half of the total force), many families don't have the supports, formal and informal, that come with living on base.

As Child Trends does well to point out, promising approaches for addressing the needs of today's military-­connected families include home visiting models and better access to mental health services, including cognitive­-behavioral therapy for preschoolers affected by trauma and fatherhood programming can offer much-needed assistance.

 

What can you do to help military families? It's critical we help families who serve in our military especially while deployed and just returning from deployment.

Here are a few ways to help: 

1) Regular "well-child" pediatric visits. Be involved in a military families life such that you help them take advantage of access to "well-child" visits. 

2) Information on coping with separation. Depending on the age and stage of the child, talk with the children of deployed parents and be sure they are voicing their concerns.

3) Expanded mental health services. Don't wait for signs of depression or anxiety. Work to be pre-cautionary when it comes to mental and emotional issues that may come up with children.

4) Increased access to high quality child care. Learn what programs are available on your base and/or installation and get the help you need. For more on helping military fathers, visit our Military Fatherhood Programs page.

Are you a military family that has been affected by deployment? Do you know military families who have been affected by deployment? What have you seen be the most helpful in connecting fathers to their children during deployment?

 

Day 74: Respect Water #P90X3Dads

After working out for 73 days, I've learned at least one thing...wait for it...water is important. It's important; nay, vital, for many reasons. Let me explain.

p90x beach body health tipI hate water. I don't mean to get all scientific and whatnot, but  like my previous post, I've learned some things in the last 73 days. I'm a different person for a lot of reasons, but one of the main reasons is water. 

What's the big deal about water? Water serves important functions in your body. Of course you know this, but are you drinking water? No. To convince you about this whole water thing, I did some research (gasp). Water aids the body in several ways by:

  • removing toxins
  • increasing metabolism
  • helping breakdown and transport nutrients
  • regulating body temperature
  • lubricating joints and
  • increasing overall energy.

Water is awesome. I still hate it. But, water is literally changing my life. 

How is water changing my life? The biggest way water is proving worth my drinking is that it's decreasing my appetite. My appetite is much greater by dinner if I haven't taken in enough water during the day.

Most times when I think I'm hungry, I'm not. My "hunger" is really me being thirsty. Before grabbing a meal or snack, ask yourself: am I really hungry or do I simply need water. Odds are good water is all you need.  

Said differently: Most of my hunger is mental. I eat not because I need food, but because I want to taste food. It's mental, not physical. Knowing this is half the battle.

How am I making myself drink more water? If you are like my non-water-drinking self, you probably aren't drinking enough water daily. Here's what I've found is helping me guzzle at least 100 ounces of water per day:

  • Drink green tea: While I love coffee (and it's cool because there's water in coffee!), I substitute my afternoon coffee with green tea.
  • Carry a water bottle: I carry a 25-ounce water bottle on my person everywhere. This bottle hasn't left my side for months. 
  • Set at alarm on your phone (see image in this blog post): Beachbody, the geniuses behind P90X3 say: Set an alarm to drink water every two hours. It should be the first and last thing you put in your body each day. This helps remind me to drink throughout the day before I get hungry and then possibly lose the mental game and eat something quickly. 
  • Pick water instead of soda. I'm either on the wagon or off the wagon with soda. If I drink a 12-ounce can of soda, I want more. It's best that I don't give in and drink that stuff. So, I drink water with meals and at night. Oh, yes, it sucks. There's something about the taste of soda with a meal. Actually, writing about soda is making me want soda. Dropping the drinking of soda with meals has been the most difficult. I crave it. But, soda has sodium and sugar; which makes it self-defeating to drink it while wanting to lose weight.
  • Add stuff to your water: add lemon, lime, raspberry, cucumber...I haven't tried any of these things yet, but I have every intention to do so. Doing this will change up the taste so you might drink more water.

How much water should you drink? Half your body weight in ounces. For instance, if you weigh 200 pounds, make it a goal to drink 100 ounces of water per day. Yes, that's a lot of water. But, once you see the above benefits, you'll be more intentional about drinking that boring, non-soda stuff. 

How many ounces of water did you drink yesterday?

Note: No dad was paid for this post. We were, however, given a base kit and two kits to giveaway because the Beach Body folks are so awesome. Use #P90X3Dads on social to win a free base kit of the P90X3 program, provided by the generous folks at BeachBody.

 

NFI Awarded Contract with General Services Administration (GSA)

Organization’s leading fatherhood skill-building materials and training programs now available to federal agencies on MOBIS.

Germantown, MD (PRWEB) May 07, 2014—National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI), the nation’s leading provider of fatherhood skill-building materials and training, has been awarded a contract with the U.S. General Services Administration (GSA).

nfi-logo

NFI’s field-tested, research- and evidence-based fatherhood resources are now available to federal agencies via the Mission Oriented Business Integrated Services (MOBIS) Schedule 874, where the resources will be offered at an 8% discount.

MOBIS Schedule Special Item Number (SIN) 874-4 will offer NFI-led training on the organization’s flagship fatherhood curricula, such as 24/7 Dad® and InsideOut Dad®. MOBIS Schedule SIN 874-9 will offer NFI’s skill-building resources for dads, such as curricula kits, fathering handbooks, brochures, pocket guides, and tip cards.

Purchases of NFI’s resources from the GSA schedule can be made on the GSA Advantage website or via NFI’s GSA contract number, GS-02F-083BA.

Availability on the GSA schedule will make NFI’s resources easier to procure for agencies such as the Department of Defense, enhancing NFI’s position as the leading provider of fatherhood-specific resources to the U.S. Military. Additionally, NFI’s InsideOut Dad® program, the only evidence-based program designed specifically for working with incarcerated fathers, will be available to the Bureau of Prisons and various Department of Justice agencies seeking resources for working with incarcerated and re-entering fathers.

Finally, agencies seeking to serve families, such as those within the Department of Health and Human Services, the Department of Labor, and the Department of Housing and Urban Development, will have access to NFI’s general fathering education programs such as 24/7 Dad® and Doctor Dad®.

“The GSA schedule will give NFI the opportunity to better serve our federal agency customers,” said Christopher Brown, president of NFI. “This better service will in turn help these customers better serve their constituents by equipping even more fathers with the tools they need to be the kinds of dads their children need them to be.”

As the premier fatherhood renewal organization in the country, National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI), founded in 1994, works in every sector and at every level of society to “create a world where every child has a 247 Dad℠.” NFI is the #1 provider of fatherhood resources in the nation. Since 2004, through FatherSOURCE™, its national resource center, NFI has distributed over 6.6 million resources, and has trained over 13,500 practitioners from over 6,500 organizations on how to deliver programs to dads. NFI is also the most quoted authority on fatherhood in America. Since 2009, NFI has been mentioned in over 3,600 news stories, and makes regular appearances in national media to discuss the importance of involved, responsible, and committed fatherhood.

What To Do (and What Not To Do) With Your Kids on #MomsNightOut

There are three types of dads in the new parenting movie Moms' Night Out. Inspired by the idea of "giving the at-home mom a break," I have advice for what dad can do with his child no matter the age or stage so that dad can connect and mom can relax.

dads big book of tips for moms night out

Let's pretend for a moment you read my earlier post Prepping for Mom's Night Out and now the mom in your life is going out to watch the Moms' Night Out movie with her friends (in theaters tomorrow May 9th...hint...hint). You work outside the home, which means that most days, you aren't alone with your kids super often, it happens, we get it. Which makes what you do with your child once mom is out vital so you can feel comfortable, bond well, and she can relax knowing dad has everything under control.

If mom's going out with friends to a movie, you're gonna have at least four hours to connect with your kids. Do the math: movie running time is at least an hour and a half, there's the time it takes your wife to get ready, the drive to and from the theater, and what about dinner? Boom, four-plus hours gone.

You need help. You can waste this time on your iPhone while your kid plays MineCraft or you can use it to connect with your child.

Whether you're a dad reading this post or someone who serves dads, here are few ideas for what a dad can do based on the stage of the child—and the dad. I have two phases in my head of how evenings with my girls can pan out:

1) staying inside the house and

2) venturing outside of the house. 

You'll find ideas for each phase based on the age and stage of your child. Thank me in the comments.

In the Moms' Night Out movie, the three types of dads shown are all good, caring dads. But, they each have their own experiences, some more than others. Let's get at this...

The Dad of an Infant or Toddler: This is possibly the scariest stage. The dad of a teen may disagree, but he's not writing this post, so I stand on my opinion. Here's the clencher, know this dad, you're connecting now with your young one so it's easier later. This stage was scary for me, still is. Call me crazy, but I'm more comfortable with the child once it can talk to me. But, this night isn't about your fear, it's about connecting with your baby. 

Inside the house: Get on the floor and crawl around. That's it. Simple right? Now do that for four hours. Seriously, your life at this phase should be on the floor. The younger the child, the more time you should spend on the floor. What else should you do beside play? Well, you can feed'em; that's helpful. Check their diaper often. Make sure they are drinking enough fluids. Am I getting in the weeds here? Can you tell it's been over four years since I had a baby in my house? I have a story about tossing my firstborn in the air with a belly full of milk and popcorn. Sorry, Bella, I was new. Which makes this rule super applicable...

momsnightout

Looking back on when my daughters were at this young stage, I cherish the simple times of holding them and them falling asleep in my arms. Older dads like me know somehting you don't yet, as hard as it seems now to get that baby to sleep, there will come a time when they get too big carry around for hours before they fall asleep. You will want this stage back as crazy as it sounds now.

Just hold them. Snuggle them. Read to them. But try not to be scared and worried like the new dad in the trailer below who says semi-jokingly to his wife going out, "...I could get maimed, I could lose both children..." If you're too afraid of messing something up, call for back-up. I'm only a little ashamed I called my father-in-law to help me watch my second-born infant when all she did was sleep the entire time mom was out. Don't judge me. 


Outside the house: I can't lie, I wasn't the quickest dad to venture outside when mom was away. Especially once there's more than one child. But, for toddlers, dare I say it, those places with the mouse-head logo work well. End of discussion. You don't need more tips, because if you visit the mouse, you won't be home before mom is back!

The Dad of a School-Aged Child: This is the stage I'm in now. I'm with you, dad, you can do this.

Inside the house: Here's my go-to idea: slumber parties. They're the going-thing at my house with two daughters, ages 7 and 4. Slumber parties have been all-the-buzz at my house for years and I plan to ride this slumber party train until it stops and the conductor tosses me off.

Make said slumber party a big deal. Annouce the slumber party like it's an event. Talk it up the morning of said slumber party. When it's time, grab every cover and pillow from every room and then visit the neighors and get their covers and pillows. Go crazy on the floor. There's something magical about a dad on the floor with his kids. Watching a movie on the floor immersed in covers and bunnies and bears and various old dolls is magical. There's no magic on the sofa. Same with dinner. While mom's gone, live on the floor at your child's eye level. Add dessert and popcorn and you have the makings of a great evening.

Pro Tip: Make pizzas with your kids. Get them involved. They'll be prone to eat what they help prepare. No need to call delivery either, here's the latest craze at my house, which I was reminded of online:

1. Buy english muffins (or hamburger buns is what we used as kids), tomato sauce (I use garden combo spaghetti sauce, but you do you), shredded mozzerella, parmesan. That's it for the kids, you can add pepperoni and veggies to yours until your heart's content.

2. Toast the bread.

3. Let child spoon sauce on bread

4. Add mozzerella.

5. Dash some parmesan on top.

6. Place in oven at 400 until the cheese melts to your liking (about 5 minutes).

7. Enjoy this delicious simple, healthy pizza with easy clean up and no waste that has built-in bonding. You're welcome. 

But your not an "inside the house" guy like me...

Outside the house: Take the time to attend a local event, go on a walk around your town or try a new restaurant. Let your child pick the place... 

Screen_Shot_2014-05-07_at_12.51.32_PM

The Dad of a Teen: I'm less-versed here since I'm not at this stage yet. You'll have to help me in the comments. But, I'm pretty certain teens watch movies, play video games, and eat food. So, here's your chance to connect with your teen eye-to-eye. Do something that will bond you together. I don't think technology is bad, just be mindful of how you use it.

Inside the house: Enjoy a hobby. With your son, what if you spent the evening talking and playing a video game, learning from his mouth why he thinks it's cool? For either your son or daugher, you could cook or sing karoake. Every family has a karaoke machine right? Remember, the point here is to step outside of your normal routine and do something that connects you and your child. 

Outside the house: Go to the mall. Yes, that's right, I said it. Probably not your favorite, but if it's a good way to spend time with your son or daughter, that's what's important, right? Go try all the samples at the food court. Visit a coffee shop and people watch. Dads of teens, help a brother out here. What do y'all do with teens? I'm taking notes for later.

But remember this last tip is for all dads: Whatever you do, don't call your wife unless something emergency-room-worthy happens. Repeat this mantra: Be the dad. 

Screen_Shot_2014-05-07_at_12.51.16_PM

The point is, you can make it. No matter the age of your child or the experience you have, you can help your wife get a much-deserved break and feel appreciated all in one night. Get details on the Moms' Night Out movie here.

What's your go-to activity that you and your child enjoy while mom's away?

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