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The Father Factor

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Ryan Sanders

Ryan is Director of Marketing and Communications at National Fatherhood Initiative. He is married with two young daughters and lives in Northern Virginia.
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Recent Posts

Upcoming Webinar from FRPN June 2nd: Finding a Partner & Conducting a Successful Evaluation

On Tuesday, June 2 from 12:00 – 1:30 p.m. EST, the Fatherhood Research and Practice Network (FRPN) will host the second learning community webinar for researchers and fatherhood practitioners. Find more information in this post.

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If you read this blog, you know that NFI's president Christopher A. Brown has written about funding fatherhood research as he serves on the FRPN steering committee.

NFI is committed to helping you help dads. In addition to funding new research, the FRPN plans to offer free technical assistance (TA) to fatherhood programs to strengthen their ability to do evaluation research. 

Here's a quick refresher about the FRPN...

The FRPN seeks to:

  • Promote rigorous evaluation of fatherhood programs.
  • Expand the number of researchers and practitioners collaborating to evaluate these programs.
  • Disseminate information that leads to effective fatherhood practice and evaluation research.

The FRPN will host a webinar on Researcher-Practitioner Partnerships called "Finding a Partner and Conducting a Successful Evaluation: Researcher and Practitioner Experiences" 

Key topics to be discussed during the webinar will include:

  • Resources to help find a fatherhood program or research partner.
  • Qualities fatherhood programs look for in a research partner and the qualities researchers look for in a fatherhood program.
  • The roles and responsibilities of researchers and practitioners in conducting fatherhood program evaluations.
  • How programs and researchers divide the duties required of fatherhood program evaluations.
  • Past evaluation experiences of researchers and fatherhood program staff


The webinar will feature two evaluation researcher/practitioner teams:

  • Home Visiting for Fathers Project: Jennifer Bellamy, MSW, University of Denver School of Social Work and Sandra Morales-Mirque, project coordinator, Dads Matter, University of Chicago. This researcher/practitioner team is one of the four currently funded FRPN projects.
  • Compadre y Compadre Project: Mathew Smith, president/director, MLS Health Services, Inc., Atlanta, Georgia and Yvette Sanchez, chief program officer, The Children’s Shelter, San Antonio, Texas.

To register for this webinar, please email Rebecca Kaufman, MSW, senior research coordinator for the FRPN, at Rebecca.kaufman@temple.edu.

Note: The “New Pathways for Fathers and Families” grant applications recently released by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Office of Family Assistance, require local evaluations. This webinar will help you learn how to create effective researcher/practitioner partnerships to apply for this funding.

The Ultimate Guide to Connecting With Your Child

The Importance of the Self-Aware Father

Being a dad is awesome. But, being a dad can be tough when you don't have the skills you need. Now, you may be thinking: what skills? I'm just doing the best I can...isn't that enough? Well, the good news is, it’s never too late to learn new skills to be the best dad you can be. Every child deserves a 24/7 Dad, and we want to ensure you have the 5 characteristics needed to be a 24/7 Dad.

So, let’s get started: When we say "self-awareness”, what do you think of? The Karate Kid or some fancy ninja training? Maybe, but it’s so much more meaningful than that. Let's talk...

self-aware_dad

When we say "24/7 Dad" we're talking about an involved, responsible and committed father, and self-awareness is just the beginning. We're talking about a dad who knows his role in the family. He knows what it means to be a man. He understands he is a model for his sons on how to be a good man. If he has daughters, he models what they should look for in a husband and father for their children. Basically, he has the 10 Ways To Be a Better Dad memorized.

Everything we know about being a great father is tied to one or more of the 5 main characteristics of a 24/7 Dad. In the coming months, we’ll unpack the meaning of the these characteristics in their very own Father Factor posts. The great news is that these five questions come with a guarantee: if you answer each one honestly and take action, you will become a 24/7 Dad!

To begin, let’s get familiar with the five traits of the 24/7 Dad:

1. The 24/7 Dad is Self-Aware: The 24/7 Dad is aware of himself as a man and aware of how important he is to his family. 

2. The 24/7 Dad Cares For Self: The 24/7 Dad takes care of himself.

3. The 24/7 Dad Understands Fathering Skills: The 24/7 Dad knows his role in the family. 

4. The 24/7 Dad Understands Parenting Skills:  The 24/7 Dad nurtures his children.

5. The 24/7 Dad Understands Relationship Skills: The 24/7 Dad builds and maintains healthy relationships with his children, wife/mother of his children, other family members, friends, and community.

So back to being a self-aware dad...

A self-aware dad knows his moods, feelings and emotions; capabilities, strengths, and challenges. He is responsible for his behavior and knows his growth depends on how well he knows and accepts himself. Don’t run by this first category. Take a moment to reflect. Be honest with yourself as a man and father.

Ask yourself some questions:

  • What defines me? Do I have a sense of meaning? How does being a father play into my sense of meaning?
  • What is my current role in my family? What would I like it to be? What can I do to work toward that goal?
  • What are my biggest personal challenges? Am I ignoring them or dealing with them? If I am dealing with them, am I handling them in a healthy way? Or am I acting in a self-defeating or self-harming way to "deal" with them? How do these choices affect my children and family?
  • What are my biggest challenges in fathering? What can I do differently to be proactive and show my dedication to my children?

Another way to become self-aware is to consider how you act in your day-to-day activities. Do you know what part of the day you are likely to be most tired or annoyed? Learn to be discerning about how you treat your children during these times.

For example, if you know that by 6pm, you're tired and more likely to be annoyed because you've been at work all day and in traffic (don't ask how I know this), it's up to you to schedule at least a few moments to be calm and ready before you open the front door to your family. If you find yourself daily coming home frustrated upon entering the house, that's a red flag something needs to change in your day.

From physical health to emotional health, and everything in between, the 24/7 Dad understands he is responsible for his decisions and ultimately his actions. The 24/7 Dad also knows his ability to be with his children is affected by the choices he makes.

Consider this: with your own words, replace “I’m too busy for XYZ” with the words “I didn’t make XYZ my priority.” Hear the difference? You should. These phrases reveal two different mindsets. One is responsible and understands his role, while the other doesn't.

The 24/7 Dad asks himself: How well do I know myself?

Niel knows what being a 24/7 Dad means. He wrote about Being a 24/7 Dad recently at his blog Great Moments in Bad Parenting. Niel says: 

Sandwiched inside a busy morning which included buying groceries for Easter, hitting the post office, getting an oil change and car wash, I went to my kids school to take pictures of my youngest and his class search for Easter eggs in the meadow behind their school. I ended up playing crossing guard as the seventeen four year old crossed the street and unofficial basket holder. Am I a superhero? Nope. Should anyone erect a statue in my honor? No, I’m just a dad and I’m a dad 24/7.  


You can read Niel's full post Being a 24/7 Dad but it sounds to me like Niel's a dad who know his role. 

*****

fodada-hero


Wear it. Be it. Show Your 24/7 Dad Pride.  

24/7 Dad T-shirt by fodada



Share pics of yourself or the dad in your life being a great dad using #247Dad on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

> But first, go here to buy the shirt!

All of you fine 24/7 Dad leaders > wear this unique t-shirt to show how proud you are to be a 24/7 Dad leader. Give it to dads who attend your program or as a graduation gift.

Dads, Moms, & Children > Wear this shirt to show your passion for fatherhood and inspire those around you to live as responsible fathers. Or, give as a gift to a dad you know.

Question > What's being a 24/7 Dad mean to you?  

The Ultimate Guide to Connecting With Your Child

How the YMCA of Greater Des Moines, Iowa is Helping Fathers & Families (Video)

We talk about how "Over 24 millions kids in the United States live without their fathers" often. But at NFI, we don't glaze over this statistic. Why? Because behind each number is a child. Behind the national number, there's a statistic for each state. Behind each state number, there's a story. Like this one...

johnrgrubbcommunity-ymca-iowa

In Iowa, there are over 64,000 households with children under age 18 who have no father present. But, the YMCA of Greater Des Moines is working to help by serving fathers and families through their Fatherhood Initiative. Watch how this program is helping men improve their relationship with their children—and help the city of Des Moines—one father at a time.

The Fatherhood Initiative through the John R. Grubb YMCA is helping men improve their relationship with their children. The Y has a variety of resources available to help fathers connect with their families. Their Facebook page is a great example for leaders interested in doing more to reach fathers and connect them with their family.

The Fatherhood Initiative uses NFI's 24/7 Dad® Program, the 12-week course that teaches dads key principles of fatherhood. It teaches everything from how to connect with your child to how to talk with the mom of your child. The program is helping The Fatherhood Initiative in Des Moines to foster and build up connections between fathers, their children and families. The class also provides an opportunity to meet other fathers in a similar situation and work with YMCA staff to create solutions to problems affecting the relationship between dad and child. Watch this video to see their work with fathers...

Can't view the video? Click here.

Morgan Streeter (Director, Y Fatherhood) explains the importance of a fatherhood program: 

The main purpose of The Fatherhood Initiative is to engage men in the lives of their children because we know a child does a lot better when both parents are actively involved...we find these guys and give them the resources to be more involved and to give them that support so they feel comfortable being more involved.

As you watch the video, don't miss what Ed Nichols (Faith-Based Fatherhood Leader) says about fatherhood:

We all have the same issues. We are all trying to be involved in our kids lives. The culture doesn't teach us how to do that. So we help guys understand that not only do you need to be involved in their kids' lives—they need to be strategic as a dad. They (kids) need to see us do certain things. They need to hear things from us. They need to receive things from us. A kid wants to know their dad loves them.

In Iowa, there are over 64,000 households with children under age 18 who have no father present. Jose Ochoa, Sr. reveals what it's like to be a father and need help connecting with your child: 

The best part of being a father is the unconditional love that goes both ways. Much like the past, he doesn't know my mistakes. He doesn't know the bad choices I've made. He knows me for being a dad. I wish my son was with me more often and I know eventually he will be. But sometimes it's hard when I sit alone by myself and he's not there with me, and he should be there with me, that's the hard part.

Child support is not just about money. Nikolle Ross points out who suffers when dad isn't involved: 

When a father isn't there, sometimes a child feels guilty they may blame themselves for their father not being there thinking that it's their fault. Sometimes, the mother is working excess hours and she's not able to be there all the time and so it leaves a lot of room for a child to get into trouble because there's no one there, there's no guidance at home. So then, really they've (the children), ahve lost their mother and father by their father not being present.

Statistics show a child growing up without an involved dad is...

  • 4X more likely to live in poverty
  • 7X more likely to become pregnant as teen
  • More likely to have behavioral problems
  • More likely to face abuse and neglect
  • More likely to abuse drugs
  • More likely to go to prison
  • More likely to commit a crime
  • 2X more likely to suffer obesity
  • 2X more likely to drop out of high school

What's it take to be a good father? Ed Nichols has the answer: 

A good father is one that is not passive. He's not sitting back waiting for someone else to do something for the kids or expecting his wife or the kids mother to do it or teacher to do it. He's one that accepts responsibility for his role as a father.

What does a program like the Des Moines YMCA and 24/7 Dad® resources do for dads? Listen closely to the painful, yet helpful, words of Jose Ochoa, Sr.: 

I got involved in this program at a real sad my life and everybody here was very supportive. It was a place where I could come invent, get mad, you know, talk about what was hurting me, what was bothering me and that really helped me a lot through sad times —when I wasn't able to see my son. We are not alone. There's a lot of guys out there that are single parents with kids and these people listen and care. And don't give up.

If you live in the Des Moines area, visit the YMCA Fatherhood Initiative.

What's your city doing for fathers? Find out who uses NFI resources using our FatherSource Locator™ and help connect with fatherhood leaders in your area.

The Ultimate Guide to Connecting With Your Child

How to Be the Hero Like Paul Blart

Officer Blart says, "A hero is never off duty." At National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI), we agree, fatherhood is never off duty. Earlier this week, we presented Kevin James with NFI’s Fatherhood Award at a special NYC screening with other great moms and dads. Let me tell you about the great event and tell you what it takes to be the hero like Paul Blart. 

NFI co-hosted a special screening in New York City of Columbia Pictures' upcoming film Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 with Paul Blart himself, Kevin James. After NYC moms and dads enjoyed the screening, they were treated to a Q&A with Kevin James and the film's director, Andy Fickman (an NFI Fatherhood Award recipient for Parental Guidance, the 2012 Fatherhood Movie of the Year), followed by a special presentation of the NFI Fatherhood Award to Kevin James.

Check out pictures from the special event and NFI Fatherhood Award presentation.

nfi-fatherhood-award-nyc-event kevin james ryan sanders andy fickman the moms paul blart

NEW YORK, NY - APRIL 13: Actor Kevin James, director Andy Fickman, attend 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2' Screening co-hosted by The Moms [Denise Albert (L) and Melissa Musen Gerstein (R)] and Ryan Sanders of National Fatherhood Initiative at AMC Loews Lincoln Square 13 on April 13, 2015 in New York City. (Photo by J. Countess/Getty Images)

I was struck by the father-daughter story in this film. Between laughing at Paul Blart on screen, I was reminded of the struggle I face as a dad of two young daughters. It’s the contradiction of fatherhood…you raise your child to learn and grow and be independent…but how do you teach yourself to let go once you start succeeding? You’re basically raising your child to leave. Sad, right? I know.

I love my daughters and want the best for them. However, like Paul Blart and his relationship to his daughter in the film, where does the balance of training and love move from discipline and protection to freedom and life lessons? 

Paul Blart is a prime candidate for the loving-but-over-protective dad. Is he a good dad? Yes, he will do anything for his daughter. He loves her. And that’s awesome. But how much protection is too much? I struggle with it. You struggle with it. Where’s the balance between concerned and supportive and over-protective father?

I was reminded as I watched the film of our fatherhood training and resources on discipline. When we understand our role as a dad in relation to discipline, we can learn to model and teach the values we want to see from our children. Many Dads think that discipline means “to control” rather than “to teach or to guide.”

The Hero Knows His Style

pbmc2coverMuch like Superman wears his trademark suit and an officer has a uniform, you must know your discipline style if you're going to get this parenting thing right. We talk about the styles of discipline in our 24/7 Dad® Program. We train leaders and dads to understand the styles and model the proper actions in word and deed.

In case you’re new to this site, here’s a crash-course on the styles of discipline. You most likely exhibit one of these styles more than the other. 

Style #1: Dictator > This dad is always strict and never nurtures. He’s clear about his morals and values. He leads with control and enforces rules with an iron hand. His children know what he doesn’t want them to do but rarely what he wants them to do. This dad says, “My way or the highway.”

Style #2: King > This dad is strict and nurtures when needed. He is clear about his morals and values. He leads by example. His children know what he doesn’t want them to do and what he wants them to do. This dad says, “Let me show you the way.”

Style #3 Joker > This dad is never strict and rarely nurtures. He isn’t clear about his morals and values. He jokes a lot and makes fun of his children. His children don’t know what he doesn’t want them to do or what he wants them to do. This dad says, “Let’s just have fun.”

Style #4: Follower > This dad is sometimes strict and sometimes nurtures. He lets mom take the lead on discipline and backs her up when needed. He is sometimes clear about his morals and values. His children know some of the things he doesn’t want them to do and some of the things he does want them to do. This dad says, “Do whatever mom says.”

Style #5: Dreamer > This dad is never strict and never nurtures. He lets mom take the lead on discipline and doesn’t get involved with it. He is never clear about his morals and values. His children don’t know what he wants them to do. This dad says, “Whatever. Just leave me alone.”

The Hero Knows What To Do in Any Situation

I can’t leave you with only the styles of discipline. I have to give you some tips to help you model the correct behavior. Like Officer Blart, you can succeed at your mission. Here are tips you need to be sure you're teaching and guiding instead of being over-protective and simply punishing your child.

Say You’re Disappointed > Tell your children you expect more of them, and that you expect them to behave the right way. Just be careful to not overuse this one. It can be powerful. Use sparingly.

Pay it Back > Tell your child to make up for bad behavior, such as paying for breaking something, doing the behavior they were supposed to do in the first place, or saying they’re sorry to someone they hurt. 

Time Out > Tell your child to sit in a corner, on the couch, or go to their room for a short period of time. Time out works best with younger children under the age of 10. 

Grounding > Don’t let your child leave the house for some period of time. Grounding works best with older children, such as teens.

Take Away a Freedom > Remove a freedom for a period of time. Note: Make sure the punishment fits the crime. Don’t take away a freedom, for example, when a child does something minor and telling them that you expect more of them the next time will do the trick.

Remember these tips the next time you want to punish the wrong-doer in your house.

Which tip could you use today that would make the most difference in how you discipline your child?

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 was as entertaining as I remember the first one. Yes, it’s a comedy, but with a deep father-daughter story. It’s a fun family film that will have you leaving the theater thinking about how to connect with your child.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 releases in theaters nationwide Friday, April 17th. 

While watching the movie offers lots of opportunities for dads to laugh with their kids, Columbia Pictures also developed a very engaging and highly informative safety program Paul Blart’s Safety Smarts for children ages 7 to 11 that shows kids how to stay safe.

> Visit and share the safety video with the dads you serve. Encourage dads to watch the video with their kids and then participate in the accompanying activities designed to sharpen your dads’ and children’s safety smarts with role-playing, peer-to-peer learning, and critical thinking. There is also a take-home safety quiz that parents and kids can take together to reinforce these important safety topics.

The Ultimate Guide to Connecting With Your Child

More Helpful Resources

> Safe Kids Worldwide

> FBI Safety Tips

> National Children’s Advocacy Center

Special NYC Screening with Kevin James for #BlartRidesAgain [Invitation]

National Fatherhood Initiative and The Moms partner for a special New York City screening of Columbia Pictures' upcoming film Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 with Paul Blart himself, Kevin James, on Monday, April 13th. The film releases in theaters nationwide Friday, April 17th, but don't miss out on the chance to see the new movie before anyone.

PB_Mall_Cop_2After six years of keeping our malls safe, Paul Blart has earned a well-deserved vacation, or has he? Sony's Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 arrives in theaters Friday, April 17th. Vegas may have a new high roller, but not before that high roller visits NYC!

After the screening, please stay for a Q&A with Kevin James and the film's director, Andy Fickman (also an NFI Fatherhood Award recipient for Parental Guidance, the 2012 Fatherhood Movie of the Year), followed by a special presentation of the NFI Fatherhood Award to Kevin James.

After six years of keeping our malls safe, Paul Blart has earned a well-deserved vacation, or has he? In this sequel, Paul Blart heads to Vegas for the annual Security Guard Expo with his teenage daughter Maya (Raini Rodriguez) before she leaves for college. While at the convention, he inadvertently discovers a heist – and it’s up to Blart to apprehend the criminals. Safety never takes a holiday and when duty calls, Blart answers.  

This movie was as entertaining as I remember the first one. But with a deep father-daughter story. A fun family film with a father-daughter story that will have you leaving the theater thinking about connecting with your child.

Here's your invitation to the special event...RSVP if you can make it to NYC!

TheMOMS_PaulBlartMallCop2_Invite


The Moms and National Fatherhood Intiative invite you to this special event:

A Mamarazzi® Event 
with Kevin James 
and Director Andy Fickman

Monday, April 13, 2015 at 3:30PM

AMC Loews Lincoln Square 13 
(1998 Broadway New York, NY 10023) 

RSVP here for the NYC screening > Click here to RSVP.


Can't attend the screening? Get the sneak peak of the official trailer here:

 

More information on the film > Click here to visit NFI's Official Paul Blart Page.

The Ultimate Guide to Connecting With Your Child  

Announcement > Office of Management and Budget (OMB) Requests Comments

The Office of Family Assistance at the U.S. Department of Human Services has asked us to share the following information with you. A new set of Healthy Marriage and Responsible Fatherhood performance measures have been proposed. Please review this post to learn more information on how to request the proposed measures as well as more information on how to comment on the proposal.

Screen_Shot_2015-04-07_at_11.13.03_AMThe Proposed Healthy Marriage and Responsible Fatherhood Performance Measures and Additional Data Collection (Part of the Fatherhood and Marriage Local Evaluation and Cross-site [FaMLE Cross-site] Project) is seeking comments on the proposed set of data that will be collected around future grantee projects/programs.

The FaMLE Cross-site project will answer three main research questions: (1) What strategies did grantees use to design well-conceived programs? (2) What strategies did grantees use to successfully implement well-conceived programs? (3) What were the reported outcomes for participants in the programs? In order to answer these questions, they are considering a new set of data collection activities.

Background > For decades various organizations and agencies have been developing and operating programs to strengthen families through healthy marriage and relationship education and responsible fatherhood programming. The Administration for Children and Families (ACF), Office of Family Assistance (OFA), has had administrative responsibility for federal funding of such programs since 2006 through the Healthy Marriage (HM) and Responsible Fatherhood (RF) Grant Programs.

The federal government currently collects a set of performance measures from HM and RF grantees. The purpose of this previously approved information collection is to allow OFA and ACF to carry out their responsibilities for program accountability.

Current request > ACF is engaged in a learning agenda to increase their understanding of Healthy Marriage and Responsible Fatherhood programs. This means that they incorporate multiple opportunities and options for learning throughout a program's implementation that provide a range of insights and perspectives. These opportunities help programming constantly develop and advance. For example, data provide the opportunity to feed information back to decision-makers and leaders—both those on the ground and those in management—to inform program design, operation, and oversight.

On November 6, 2014, ACF published a Federal Register Notice (79 FR 65973) requesting public comment on a proposed new set of performance measures to be collected by all grantees, beginning with the next round of HMRF grants. These measures will collect standardized information in the following areas:

  • Applicant characteristics;
  • Program operations (including program characteristics and service delivery); and
  • Participant outcomes (will be measured both at initiation of programservices (pre-test) and completion (post-test)).

To learn more and comment on the proposed peformance measures, please see the full article on the Federal Register detailing comment submission guidelines here

The Ultimate Guide to Connecting With Your Child

One Thing This Billion-Dollar CEO Does Every Week That You Should Too

I often feel inadequate at managing work and family. Sure, I get home at a decent hour each day. But, I have to start early to accomplish this. By evening, I'm tired or still have my mind on work. Then I read a story like this one. This guy sounds like he has managing work and family figured out. Forbes named him, "America’s Most Promising CEO Under 35." He started a company in his mid-20’s that raised $70 million in 2012. By 2014, he was known as "The Guy Who Turned Down $500 Million For His Startup." Now, with a $1 Billion valuation, Ryan Smith, CEO of Qualtrics, can teach us the one thing he does to be successful with work and family. 

One Thing This Billion-Dollar CEO Does Every Week That You Should Too fatherhood work family balance

After about a decade of bootstrapping, Qualtrics made its way into a profitable company generating $50 million in revenue. In 2012, they had 200 employees and 3,800 customers. Qualtrics helps companies perform employee and customer surveys in the cloud. It was created by Ryan Smith's dad, Scott Smith, a professor of marketing at BYU's school of business. My guess is that Qualtrics is a company that resembles the brands you'll find on our social good page—a brand who cares about fathers and families.

At 33 years old, a company offered to buy Ryan Smith's startup Qualtrics for more than $500 million, he asked his wife to take a drive. Smith ended up turning down the $500 million offer to sell his company. In 2014, Smith had 6,000 customers and 550 employees, and the company is expanding nationally and internationally opening an office in Dublin, Sydney, Seattle, and Washington, D.C..

After he and his wife talked, they felt strongly that earning so much money at once could "negatively impact the way they were raising their children." Smith and his wife had learned to manage work and family life.

"As a founder, you're either the type that gets invigorated with every milestone, or you get less interested. For me the bigger we get, the more scrappier we get, the hungrier I get," Smith told Business Insider in 2014. "I have to keep telling myself to look around and enjoy this," he said. "We sat in a basement and bootstrapped for 10 years so we can do this, be here. Now we have bunch of money, a ton of customers, and we're dominating our market." Together, the Smiths decided to keep their 800-person company private. Qualtrics is currently worth over $1 billion.

With the help of a CEO coach, Smith relates work-life balance to a plane that can "go lopsided and constantly needs to be stabilized." On one wing is his family, on the other is his work. When he's traveling for business, the work side of the plane tilts. Then, when he gets back home to his family, he knows to keep his schedule open for home and family life, in order to tilt the wings of his plane back up.

Smith's CEO coach taught him a strategy for success to be done every week. Smith's coach asked him what jobs he was responsible for in life. Smith replied the following:

  1. Husband
  2. Father
  3. Son
  4. CEO
  5. Boss
  6. Sibling
  7. Grandson
  8. Friend

I'm guessing your list looks like Ryan's. His coach then asked what he could do for each job that week to make him feel successful. For instance, if Ryan dated his wife and bought flowers, that could make him feel like a decent husband. Teach his daughter to ride a bike? Boom, instant better dad for the week.

Ryan found he could combine tasks on his list to achieve everything more efficiently. He learned quickly, if he was really productive, every task on the list starting Sunday could be done by Tuesday. If he took his daughter to his parent's house and taught her to ride a bike, he could be both a good father and son. Bam. 

Smith's weekly list started to look like this:

  1. Husband > Take wife to dinner and buy flowers
  2. Father >Teach daughter to ride a bike
  3. Son > Visit parents. Combine tasks 2 & 3.

Through all of this, Smith has learned people usually plan for one part of life ("I'm going to sell my company by the time I turn 30.") Most times, people "either don't know which steps to take to achieve that goal, or they don't plan what to do after the goal has been achieved."

While we know it takes quantity to ultimately get quality time, I think Ryan's plan of breaking done work and family life goals into weekly tasks is brilliant. We need to work against waking up one day and realizing our dreams and/or priorities have slipped from our radar. This takes a strategic plan. The truth is, what doesn't get scheduled, doesn't get done. This is true in work and with family.

Business Insider points out that after Smith explained this success tactic in an interview with them on Friday evening, he left the conference. While others stayed out late at a local pub, Smith drove three hours to Dublin and booked an early flight home to Utah. When his children woke up on Sunday morning, they spent all day with their father. This story illustrates in real life exactly the type of intention and focus we should have as husbands, fathers, sons, and leaders. It's the kind of focus I want to live out. Thank you, Ryan Smith, not only for having a great first name, but sharing a great strategy for us to follow.

Question > What's one thing you do to help manage work and family? Share your answer in the comment section or on , or  using #247Dad.

247-to-go-app




24/7 Dad To Go App allows dads to customize time-sensitive checklists. These checklists can include items related to involved, responsible, and committed fatherhood. You can be an intentional dad too.

> Find the app and start being a better dad here.

The Ultimate Guide to Connecting With Your Child

How I Keep the Magic of Reading Alive After #NationalReadingMonth

National Reading Month has ended. Your child has been learning about the importance of reading at school all month long. The inspiration for reading doesn't have to end, but you have to keep the magic alive. How do you keep the magic of reading alive in your child? Here's how I keep it alive in my daughters. (Hint: I keep the magic of reading alive in me.)

I recently spent a weekend at Universal Orlando learning all about the Harry Potter series. Let me share how I fell in love with this popular franchise, what the celebration is, and how it inspires me to connect with my daughters through story. You'll also find tips and resources to help keep the magic of reading alive after March.

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How I Fell in Love With All Things Harry Potter

If you read the The Father Factor Blog, you know we're readers. We love writing about the importance of connecting books to life to help children fall in love with reading. In fact, one of our most popular post is 6 Tips on How to Show Your Child Reading is Awesome. That post was re-published on LeVar Burton's Reading Rainbow, hello!

I've fallen in love with all things Harry Potter. Yes, I'm behind a few years (or a decade). Here's how it happend for me...First Came Hogwarts, then came the movies and books, then came the Harry Potter Celebration at Universal Orlando.

hogwarts harry potter celebration #hpcelebration #universalmoments #harrypotter harry potter pottermore universal

First Comes Hogwarts > Before 2014, I couldn't tell you anything about Harry Potter. I mean nothing. In fact, I went to Universal Orlando with my oldest daughter, Bella, for a special Despicable Me 2 weekend and VIP Experience, and never stepped foot on Universal's Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I didn't know enough about the series to realize what I was missing. 

But last September while at Family Forward 2014, I experienced Hogwarts for the first time. The rides were breath-taking and seeing the storefronts at Diagon Alley took me to a new world. Remember, at this point, I still didn't know the story having not read the books or seen the movies. My introduction to Diagon Alley was Diagon Alley at Orlando. This new world made me interested enough to learn more about the movies.

Second Comes the Harry Potter Movies and Books > Once home from the conference, I bought the entire Harry Potter movie series on Apple iTunes. Since last September, my family and I have watched every movie 50-11 times. After watching every movie, I decided to start reading the books to my girls. I drove to the library, got a library card, and with card in hand, the librarian asked me if I needed help. I explained I was at the library for one reason, Harry Potter. She wasn't surprised for some reason.

She all but took me by the hand, and walked me to a special section. It wasn't the children's section. It wasn't the fiction section. It was the library's Harry Potter section. No joke, complete with The Mirror of Erised. There I found five copies of Goblet of Fire, four copies of The Half-Blood Prince, and several copies of later books in the series. But, there wasn't one copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone for me.

After the librian explained there was a 30-week wait on the book, she advised I reserve it from surrounding libraries and she would contact me when the book was available. As I walked away from my new librarian, no book in hand, with freshly minted library card, she explained,"You know, every eight seconds in this world, someone starts reading the Harry Potter series." I'm pretty sure I mumbled as I walked out the library door, "Apparently so, just not me and my daughters." Then I ugly-cried on the steps of the library until she gave me her copy. No, seriously, here's what happened next...

Then Comes the HP Celebration... 

What is "A Celebration of Harry Potter"?

The annual Harry Potter™ Celebration is for uber Potter fans. Folks gather from around the world for film talent appearances, unique interactive experiences, demonstrations, and more. You can experience the Celebration while you walk around The Wizarding World of Harry Potter™. You can walk around and see the iconic Hogwarts Express and enjoy a unique journey by train as you travel between King's Cross Station and Hogsmeade Station at Diagon Alley, you can walk in and out of Honeyduke's candy shop, Olivander's Wand Shop, and so much more. 

1) HPCelebration is > The Harry Potter Expo

Talk about connecting books to life! The Harry Potter Expo is the place where you get to experience Harry Potter's world for yourself. The expo included booths and exhibits where fans can dive deeper into the magic from the books and films.

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  • Warner Bros. Studio Tour London > The production home of the Harry Potter™ film series, Warner Bros. Studio Tour London gave fans the chance to step on to the actual sets used during filming. You could pose for a photo in a recreation of the iconic Great Hall, see Dumbledore's desk (see pic above) or the famous flying car (see pic above) from the series.
  • MinaLima (the above pic is me with MinaLima!)> Graphic designers Miraphora Mina and Eduardo Lima created countless pieces of unforgettable artwork, some of which was on display including iconic pieces like the Marauder‟s Map, The Daily Prophet and The Quibbler, and Hogwarts school books, among others. They talked about their recent involvement in The Wizarding World of Harry Potter - Diagon Alley.
  • Pottermore from J.K. Rowling > We were able to show our Hogwarts house colors and celebrate our pride with Pottermore from J.K. Rowling. I'm a Gryffindor, in case you're wondering!
  • Scholastic > We celebrated Harry Potter and shared our message about what Harry Potter means to us on the "Muggle Wall". You could meet award-winning illustrator Kazu Kibuishi, who re-imagined the Harry Potter book covers and was signing posters for Scholastic. I entered to win a box set of all seven Harry Potter books (I keep checking my mailbox!). Kazu Kibuishi was on-site to draw some of the fans favorite Harry Potter characters live on-stage in an interactive panel for all ages. 

2) HPCelebration is >  Behind the Scences > Harry Potter™ Film Talent Discussion

We enjoyed fascinating Q&A sessions that featured actors from the Harry Potter films. Fans questioned were answered and we heard what it was like to work on the most successful film franchise in history from Robbie Coltrane, Michael Gambon, James Phelps, Oliver Phelps, and Evanna Lynch. For the potterheads, you can watch a 45-minute panel discussion with all of the cast in attendance...

 

3) HPCelebration is > Dueling Demonstration & Wand Combat Masterclass with Paul Harris

I can't lie here. Being a rookie attendee to the Harry Potter Celebration, I saw this event on the schedule and assumed wrongly it would only be for kids. This ended up being one of my favorite parts of the weekend. Wand deuling is serious business, folks. Kids and adults alike took part in a live-dueling masterclass, hosted by Warner Bros. Studio Tour London, featuring the world's only Wand Combat choreographer, Paul Harris. Who's Paul? Paul choreographed the epic battle scenes in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and throughout the franchise. He was on hand to teach the technique behind wielding a wand. Swish and flick, y'all.    

Why The Harry Potter Celebration Should Matter To You

Why are events like this important? For me, whether it's Harry Potter, Dr. Seuss (Universal has an entire land devoted to Dr. Seuss and his books too) and a movie, part of my job as a dad is to help make imagination come to life. It's easier to connect books and movies to life when your child can walk into the wand shop she read about in the book. At a place like Universal Orlando, the books and movies you know come to life. Maybe Harry Potter isn't for you, but if you love reading and want your kids to love books and understand the story behind the films, this is the way to do it. When the story behind the books and movies comes to life, the connection & memories with your kids will last longer than the trip home. How do I keep the magic of reading alive in my daughters? I keep it alive in me.

5 Ideas to Make Books Come to Life for Your Child

  1. Draw > Read a chapter of a book. Then, have your child draw a scene from the book.
  2. Paint > Does your child like to paint? Have him/her paint a favorite scene from the book and/or 
  3. Build > Help your child create a diorama of his/her favorite scene from a book
  4. Write > Have your child rewrite the ending of his/her favorite book
  5. Imagine > Have your child add a new character to the book and tell his/her story

More Resources on the Harry Potter Celebration and Resources for Reading: 

What's the last book your child read? What's the last book you read? Did you talk about it? 

The Ultimate Guide to Connecting With Your Child

This is not a sponsored post. Neither NFI nor myself was paid for this post. I'm personally inspired by the stories behind entertainment so much that I make time to write about it. Hopefully, reading this inspires you to pick up a book, watch a movie, and/or travel with your family and connect with your child through story.

NFI Partners with fodada to Ask: What’s a 24/7 Dad?

For years, 24/7 Dad® Program leaders (including you amazing coordinators, facilitators, father participants and the like) have asked for a T-shirt to reflect your commitment to the 24/7 Dad® program, and to being an involved, responsible, committed father - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That’s why we’re excited to announce a partnership with the clothing line fodada to offer a trendy, high-quality, 24/7 Dad® T-Shirt and to ask a very important question: What’s a #247Dad?

Here's the deal: You buy the T-shirt; fodada donates $5 back to NFI. Boom. That's awesome. But wait, there’s a lot more…

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Why “24/7 Dad”?

Being a dad is a great thing when you know what being a dad is all about, and when you're equipped with the skills to be involved, responsible, and committed to your child. But not every dad knows these things, and that’s ok - we’re here to help.

NFI cares deeply about raising awareness, building knowledge, and increasing skills related to fatherhood. We’ve spent the last 20 years developing top-notch curriculum and resources just for fathers, with 24/7 Dad® being our flagship fatherhood program. We exist to help dads hone their fathering, parenting, and relationship skills 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

We’ve also trained thousands of fatherhood leaders who have helped thousands of fathers be 24/7 dads (as in, live it out every day). Decades of research show the important role fathers play in their children’s lives. We connect fathers to families through organizations across the country. 

That said, the new T-shirt not only reflects the 24/7 Dad® brand, but also the deep meaning of being a #247dad. Not only will the 24/7 Dad® T-shirt allow you to show your commitment to fatherhood, but the clothing brand fodada will donate $5 from each purchase back to NFI to continue our mission of ensuring every child has a 24/7 Dad®. BAM. A match made in the T-shirt gods’ heaven. 

Why fodada?

fodadaOver our 20-year history, we've partnered with many brands for social good. Why fodada? Because the clothing brand “for the best dada in the world,” cares about fatherhood. It’s in their DNA. It’s who they are. Visit their website and you’ll see the care and attention given to their causes and campaigns.

“We are excited to partner with NFI, who has supported so many dads and families throughout the years,” said fodada founder Bobby Barzi. “We are happy to help NFI serve more dads, while making dads feel comfortable and look their best.”  

Christopher A. Brown, President at NFI had this to say about the partnership with fodada:

"Given the severity of father absence in our nation, it's vital we partner with companies that understand the importance of social good. We're excited to partner with a company like fodada that not only understands dads and their importance, but also understands what it means to be a 24/7 Dad. Working with fodada will help our organization-partners more deeply connect the dads they serve to what it means to be a 24/7 Dad, and help dads across the country show just how proud they are to be an involved, responsible, committed dad around the clock."

All of you fine 24/7 Dad leaders > wear this unique t-shirt to show how proud you are to be a 24/7 Dad leader. Give it to dads who attend your program or as a graduation gift.

Dads, Moms, & Children > Wear this shirt to show your passion for fatherhood and inspire those around you to live as responsible fathers. Or, give as a gift to a dad you know.

So, now we’re left with, “What’s a 24/7 Dad?”

We’re glad you asked. Everything we know about being a great father is tied to one or more of the following 24/7 Dad qualities and skills. In the coming months, we’ll unpack the meaning of each of these traits in their very own Father Factor posts. But for now, let’s get started with a brief list to get you thinking:

1. The 24/7 Dad is Self-Aware > The 24/7 Dad is aware of himself as a man and aware of how important he is to his family. 

2. The 24/7 Dad Cares For Self > The 24/7 Dad takes care of himself.

3. The 24/7 Dad Understands Fathering Skills > The 24/7 Dad knows his role in the family. 

4. The 24/7 Dad Understands Parenting Skills > The 24/7 Dad nurtures his children.

5. The 24/7 Dad Understands Relationship Skills > The 24/7 Dad builds and maintains healthy relationships with his children, wife/mother of his children, other family members, friends, and community.

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Share pics of yourself or the dad in your life being a 24/7 Dad on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram using #247Dad for your chance to win this 24/7 Dad T-shirt for FREE. NFI president Christopher Brown shares a pic with his 24/7 Dad shirt to get you started - share #247Dad-worthy posts and you could win this epic shirt.

> Better yet, go here to buy the shirt!

Question > What's being a 24/7 Dad mean to you?

 

The Ultimate Guide to Connecting With Your Child

For Fathers in Prison > Fatherhood Training Impacts Recidivism and Behavior [KY DoC]

When dad’s in prison, his child is more likely to go to prison. Eighty-nine percent—that’s almost 9 out of 10 of Kentucky’s inmates—are male. Most of these inmates are fathers. We know most inmates aren't serving life sentences. Meaning, the father in prison is returning to his community and to his family at some point. Sadly, most inmates are released ill equipped to face the problems that put them in prison. The Kentucky Department of Corrections (DOC) is addressing this problem through fatherhood programs, and it’s working. 

KYDOCShowsFatherhoodTrainingReducesRecidivismandImprovesBehaviorThe Kentucky DOC has used NFI’s fatherhood programs since 2012. We wrote about the progress of the DOC training 381 dads and counting. Now we’re excited to share some insightful statistics—beyond the progress in training dads—on how effective our programs are to inmates and the DOC both while inmates are in prison and upon release. We know our fatherhood programs work, but we get excited when others conduct their own research and learn how much impact our programs have. 

InsideOut Dad® is Effective > Here’s the Data

Here are the exciting statistics, compiled by the Kentucky DOC, on the recidivism rate and rate of in-prison disciplinary actions (e.g. behavioral infractions) for 575 dads who participated in the program for the two year period 2012-2014. Of 575 fathers who completed in the program:

  • 318 were released
  • 52 of those 318, or 16 percent, returned to prison as a result of a new charge or a parole violation which is 57 percent lower than the two-year statewide recidivism rate of 37 percent

Moreover:

  • Prior to entering the program, participants averaged 1.836 disciplinary actions per inmate compared to only .32 actions per inmate while they participated in the program and .26 actions per inmate after they completed the program. This is a whopping 86 percent reduction in disciplinary actions.

It’s vital to note that NFI’s programs help fathers in Kentucky’s DOC not only while in prison (using the InsideOut Dad® Program) but upon release (using the 24/7 Dad® Program).

Training Fathers While In Prison

According to feedback from a representative at the Kentucky DOC, the state has seen a clear shift in the inmate population from an egocentric attitude, to a focus on their families and children, even from inside prison. In addition to the fathers benefiting from the program, the DOC is meeting their goal of offering a cognitive, behavioral, and therapeutic approach to inmate rehabilitation (since they are using NFI’s InsideOut Dad® Program while a father is in prison and the 24/7 Dad® Program upon release from prison). Using both fatherhood training programs is helping the Kentucky DOC address their top four criminogenic concerns related to fathers: 

  1. Criminal and family history
  2. Family (marriage and parenting) relatationships
  3. Education and employment
  4. Leisure and recreation

Training Fathers After Release

Research shows that fathers who learn to connect to their children and family before being released are more likely to successfully integrate back into the community and less likely to return to prison.

NFI has worked with the Kentucky DOC to create a reentry program to help dads continue building their fathering skills once released. Kentucky's DOC works with community-based organizations, via the state’s Probation and Parole Division, to deliver NFI’s 24/7 Dad® program to fathers in transitional facilities and other community-based organizations in the reentry field. 24/7 Dad® addresses fathering from a holistic perspective and continues to build on pro-fathering behaviors. (For a report on the effectiveness of 24/7 Dad® in a reentry setting, click here.)

While the statistics on recidivism and disciplinary actions are vital to understanding the widespread impact NFI’s programs can have on inmates and corrections systems, behind every statistic, as they say, is a person. To truly grasp the life-changing impact of NFI’s programs, it’s important to capture that impact in the words of the dads who participate in them. Here is one Kentucky inmate’s story. Please take a moment to reflect on his words. See what happens when a father goes to prison and is then shown the tools for how to connect with his child through NFI’s programs. 

How Training Changed One Father > Read His Story


Dear NFI

I've always heard the old adage a carpenter is only as good as his tools. That's why I would like to thank you and your volunteers for giving me the opportunity to have experienced and to have graduated your IoD class (InsideOut Dad® Program). With so many dynamics I have facing me in having six children I have a large task ahead of me, but I have some of those tools I need to start building and mending those relationships I so long to have with my children and vice versa. 

First of all I will tell you a little about myself, because change has to start with me. I am 45 years old and have six children ranging from 27 to 8 years of age. In 11 days I will serve out a 15-year sentence, but it is not the first time I have been incarcerated. Altogether, it will make 22 years I have served in sentences in the state of Kentucky which lets you know I haven't been in my children's lives very much over the years. 

Through God and this class I have actually started mending some of these relationships I have either destroyed or never gave a chance to develop in the first place. Since 1988 I've been in and out of jails and prisons only to stay out long enough to start a relationship and ultimately having children and then to leave them behind again. This time I served out my 15-year sentence and then seven years and four months with educational and other good time. I know I've done everything this time to turn my life around, but in order to do so I had to finally face my demons and look at myself for who I really was. If we don't know it's broke we tend not to fix the problem.

All in all I've left a lot of damaged lives behind in my wake of destruction. With IoD (InsideOut Dad® Program) I've been able to salvage some of these relationships and prepare to face the challenges of starting a relationship with my children.

The first tool I’ve learned to use is communication. I have six children by four different mothers which I'm not proud of, but ultimately it seems I had fallen into my father's footsteps (learned behavior), so in the seven years there's been no telephone calls because of the high cost to make telephone calls from prison. I wish I could start a fund just to help with that cost of future fathers could stay in touch with your children, especially the ones going through this program. 

Through writing I had mended my relationship with my oldest daughter Sheena. We have been corresponding on a regular basis for a while now. She followed my footsteps and committed a crime two years ago, but was put on a diversion program, which included six months of in-house rehabilitation.

During our time of writing I've used several tools I've learned through IoD (InsideOut Dad® Program) such as getting to know who she is, her personality traits, so I would be able to have more to talk to her about. Of course I have apologized many times over the years that I was absent from her life. 

I knew she blamed me for the way her life had turned out so I used another tool (empathy). I put myself in her shoes and realized this was true because I too blame my parents as well for my life being messed up. Now we have something in common that we can share and build on. I let her know I can relate to her, because I had been on my own all of my life as well. I told her how I finally located my mother at the age of 15 years old and how it didn't go over so well. Ultimately I moved in with her and my step-father to pay $55 a week for my part-time job that I had that summer just to sleep on the couch. I moved out on my own after two months and it actually was cheaper for me that way. I also told her I had to stop blaming them, because as an adult I knew wrong from right now. I couldn't blame them for my mistakes any longer. Like her, my rough childhood resulted in drug use to numb the pain from the past.

Now here's the miracle I want to share with the world. This is better than the fact I get to leave prison here in 11 days. After the fact she did six months rehab she decided she wasn't ready to leave so she signed up for another six months which I supported 100%. I told her that she needed to take this time to be there for herself and not worry about anyone else because she does have four children of her own which her mother has now. I told her I have learned by experience if you can't be there for yourself you can't be there for anyone else either. If you don't love yourself how can you expect anyone else to love you in return? This one time it was all right to be selfish, because it was for all the right reasons.

This girl completed 14 months of rehab dad being your number one supporter and biggest fan. A recovery center in Kentucky has hired her on full-time as part of the staff now. She is in a good place now and loves her job. A month ago she sent me her phone number. The fact that I'm leaving here on the 31st gave me an opportunity to get an institutional phone call to see if she would be at the bus station when I'm dropped off that morning. By the way I will be spending the morning with her and my four grandchildren whom I've only met the oldest as of yet. This is the first conversation I've had with my daughter in over seven years.

She answered and said hello and I said hi baby girl. She said who is this and I said it's your daddy. All she could do is cry. After she got her composure she finally said the words so longed to hear. I love you and I forgive you for not being there for all those years. She said through God she had so much peace that she was finally able to forgive me. In our conversations through writing God had been our main subject of discussion. The way I see it, whether you believe in Jesus or not, which I do, there are good morals to be learned from the Bible. Just as the tools I've gained from IoD. With these tools and the wisdom and patience of my instructor Mr. X, I've built relations with two of my children.

Nikki my 21-year-old daughter is who I am moving in with on the 31st. She just had her first baby on the 18th of this month. She truly loved and forgives me as well. My 25-year-old daughter and whom I've only seen four times while incarcerated since her birth has expressed a need to know me as well, because she has talked to her siblings and has noticed a change in my life and relationships I've built with them. IoD (InsideOut Dad®) is contagious. 

My 19-year-old son doesn't respond, but I still send him letters, just to let him know I still love you. He may be a little angry, but in time even water dissolves the biggest and hardest of rocks.
My children 10 and eight years of age don't know me, but they soon will. I have written them over the years so they do know I exist and that I put forth the effort. All in all I would like to think NFI for IoD (InsideOut Dad®) for the programs put forth to help us fathers and children. Like I told my oldest daughter Sheena it's up to us now to stop this vicious cycle that's been handed down to us from generation to generation. It's time to plant new seeds.

Thank you for giving me the tools to do so. I don't know by putting my children needs before mine and getting to know them and giving them the chance to know me that we can turn things around. I believe now that I can turn things around. I believe now I can lead by example, to teach my children that they can live a morally ethic life by watching me to do it in love. I have for myself and them as well now. If I can't fix myself how can I even possibly think of fixing my relationship with them? Thank you for your time in the tools I needed to rebuild the relationships I so desire to have with my children. Your work and efforts have not been done in vain. 

Sincerely, 
B


This is only one inmates’ story. There are hundreds just like it in Kentucky alone. We at NFI are thankful for the leaders at the Kentucky DOC. We are so excited about their commitment to rehabilitating inmates through programs like InsideOut Dad® and 24/7 Dad® so that corrections is part of the solution rather than just another step in the criminal justice process. The state, the fathers, the families, and the children of Kentucky are seeing the benefits of this solution-based approach.  

For more information on the products and services the Kentucky DOC is using along with the organizations they are partnering with, view the full case study and visit our Corrections Programs page for more program successes.

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Learn more about fatherhood and corrections > Fathers Behind Bars [Infographic]
 

  The Ultimate Guide to Connecting With Your Child

How a Man Named Emil is Helping Fathers in Torrington, Connecticut

It's been over a year, but I can still sense the silent, awkward pause on the other end of the phone. When I talked with Emil, he spoke excitedly about his work with fathers in Torrington, CT. When I asked him "the why" behind his work with fathers, his tone changed from excited to convicted. In 40 minutes of conversation, I learned what's happening with dads in Torrington while being reminded of the conviction it takes to lead. 

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In 2000, there were 676,467 married households—52 percent of the state population in Connecticut. By 2010, that number had dipped to 672,013—49 percent. That's even considering the overall population of the state having grown from 3.41 million to 3.57 million. We have talked about Connecticut and fatherhood in the past, but another story is worth sharing. 

Family Strides is an organization located in northwest Connecticut, who helps families and communities to ensure healthy pregnancy outcomes and positive parenting practices in order to strengthen families and reduce the incidence of child abuse and neglect. Family Strides has seen the above pattern of marriage and fatherhood take place in its community. In fact, the only place in the entire county that was serving fathers was the child support system, and the only place to send fathers who were not paying child support was prison. That is, before Family Strides came along.

Thirty-five minutes from Hartford is Torrington. For this county, there's a different option, besides jail, for dads who need help. A man named Emil is helping dads see that the role they play in their children’s lives is much more than just paying child support. Through our 24/7 Dad® Program, we have helped Family Strides teach dads to be better fathers.

Where does Family Strides find dads to help?

Whereas some organizations may find it difficult to recruit dads to attend a fatherhood program, Family Strides doesn't recruit. How do they get dads to attend? "Every father thinks he knows what he’s doing," says Emil, "There's so many programs for mom. But dad has nothing." He continues, "We ended up going into court system in the county, into the child-support court systems. They had no place to send dad but prison, or anger management."

The county magistrates, before Emil and his group came along offering something different, had nothing but prison for dads who didn't pay child support. "If the dad doesn't pay child support, you warn him...you warn him..you warn him...then you lock him up.", Emil explains. Emil has been in that court system for 10 years. Now, he doesn’t spend time recruiting dads. He works only from referrals like: family courts, hospitals, employment agencies, head starts, and other community-based organizations.

“I’ve worked with over a thousand dads, ” says Emil. The biggest issue? "Many men feel their job is to put roof over head and feed them (kids)—and that's where it ends. Nothing more..." says Emil. Emil asks dads he meets, "When was the last time you went to a parent-teacher conference?" Emil explains, "Most dad's will answer: isn’t that her (mom's) job?" Emil will also ask, "Who's your child's first teacher?" He recalls from years of experience, dads will always give the name of their child's teacher at school. Emil will then say, "No, dad, you are...you are the teacher.”

What happens in the fatherhood program?

Must dads think they are the only ones to ever make a mistake. But something magical happens when I dad gets with other dads in a group. He starts to realize, "Yeah, I screwed up, but so did he." For maybe the first time ever, this dad learns that we all make mistakes. Emil explains, "You can make a 30-minute mistake. But, you can’t make a 30-minute mistake daily." At some point, we have to find a reason to live better stories. For some, the child is that reason.

Emil explains: 

There is nothing more valuable than your child. Nothing. Not the size of your house, how much money you make, what kind of car you drive, or what kind of vacation you take. Every decision you make has to place your child first. 

Dads who attend Emil's group learn everything related to fatherhood, from relationships and communication, to discipline. Emil points out, when all a dad knows to "teach" a child is yelling—dads must learn that they have other options. For a topic as seemingly simple as discipline, understand you're only gonna do, as a dad, what you were taught and what was done to you.

Sadly, most dads Emil sees don't want to be like their own dad. But, as Emil explains, "they are 50 percent their dad and 50 percent of mom." You are the sum of your experiences and education. How you were parented is often how you parent. This is all fine and good unless you had less-than-perfect parent models. Emil explains, "Alcoholism is a big issue. Drug abuse is an issue. Economy and jobs is an issue." He often asks to meet the dads' kids. Experience shows, "I can’t help everyone..but, when the father starts seeing how much he can help his kid, he can change..." says Emil.

Emil often meets the children of the dads he works with, "I ask them, 'what do you think of this guy?'...when they say, 'He’s my daddy. I love my daddy. He’s my world...' These fathers break down. They haven’t heard that before. A light-bulb goes off.." recalls Emil. It's a 13-week fatherhood course. Emil says, "I don’t throw guys out of the class after 13 weeks. They are all welcome to keep coming. They come back occasionally. I have gentlemen that come back for the last six years at least monthly." 

The Why Behind the What 

Emil started helping dads in Torrington 10 years ago. At the time, he had a 12-year-old daughter and an infant soon. Emil had a strong relationship with his Dad, recalling over the phone how his dad used to tell him, “I love you so much it hurts.” Emil recalls the first person he called upon having his son was his father, simply to say, “Now I understand what you mean.”

Emil's son, Emil Jr, was born with an intestinal problem. At three days old he was transferred to a special teaching hospital in Connecticut. It was 10 days later, Emil's son was diagnosed as having Down Syndrome. His son got some better as time went on, but they lived in children's medical center. After a few years, Emil lost his son to leukemia. “As a dad, there is nothing worse than being helpless.” I listened as Emil recalled those helpless times of walking the hallways of the hospital. I listened to Emil's voice shake as he shared with me. 

Emil explained, with conviction, why he cares so much about fathers. He says, "I still use my son in teaching the group." When a dad says “I stay away because 'she' (the mother) won’t let me...” Emil will reply, “I’d love to trade with you. You are choosing not to see them. I can’t choose...You can get on a phone and call at least. You can make your visits. I can't see my son anymore. I go to a stone."

How does Emil know his work with fathers matters?

At his son’s wake, over 200 dads attended. As we closed our conversation, Emil has a message he wanted all dads to understand about having kids:

They need you all their life…be there. You need to be the man you want to see your daughter with. You don’t want to see your son brutalize girls. So you don't need to brutalize the child's mom. Be there for your child. Nothing is more important.

For Fatherhood Program Leaders > Learn more about Emil's work with fathers in Connecticut.

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Richmond County Fatherhood Initiative is Reaching Fathers & Families (Video)

Poverty. Behavioral issues. Drug abuse. Becoming pregnant as a teen. Prison. Local leaders have come together to form the Richmond County Fatherhood Initiative, which hopes to reach fathers of all backgrounds throughout the Northern Neck of Virginia. Their goal? Make sure fathers are there for their children, their families, their community.

richmond county fatherhood initiative

If you've seen our post on The Father Absence Crisis in America, then you know the issues that can arise when a child grows up in a home without a father. For Richmond County, these statistics are likely realities. In a news story on the Richmond County Fatherhood Initiative, we read how dads are learning to connect with family—and how this is helping the community.

We often talk about the national epidemic of father absence. However, the realities can and should be broken down into state by state (community by community) levels. If you read our post on what's happening in Richmond prisons titled When Dad's in Jail, you will no doubt understand the stats related to father absence are realities that we must work to make more and better fathers. 

Philip Belfield, the Branch Executive of the Richmond County YMCA, has said of the father absence problem:

“When I saw the statistics of the results, what happens to kids and families that don’t have fathers that participate, it’s really staggering...And to see that is happening right here in our area in the Northern Neck, where more and more fathers are not participating in their families’ lives, I feel like that’s something that 1) personally, but 2) [with] my role with the YMCA, we can play a positive role in that area.”

The Richmond County Fatherhood Initiative grew out of a forum conducted by Claudette Henderson, the former Director of Richmond County Social Services. The forum centered on the need for a fatherhood presence in the local area.

“When I heard about this program, I had to join,” said Davis Roberts, principal of Richmond County Elementary.

“If dads are present, you reduce dropouts; with dads being present, kids are less likely to be in poverty; with dads being present, [it results in] better self-esteem for the kids.” —Davis Roberts (Principal, Richmond County Elementary)

Coming together to kickstart the program were local community leaders including

  • Davis Roberts, Principal, Richmond County Elementary
  • Philip Belfield, Branch Executive, Richmond County YMCA
  • Wendy Herdman, Virginia Cooperative Extension Agent overseeing 4-H Youth Development

Another helping hand came from Virginia Delegate Margaret Ransone (R-99th) who, according to Davis, played a key role in gathering advertisement for the community support group.

“As a woman and a mom, it was eye opening for me to recognize the impact fathers have on their children,” Ransone said. “It’s easy to get on a routine and forget what our Dads really mean to a family.” Virginia Delegate Margaret Ransone (R-99th) 

The Rest of the Fatherhood Story in Greater Richmond
NFI has been working to help fathers and families in Virginia for years. For instance, First Things First of Greater Richmond received a capacity-building grant from NFI in 2007 to start building the foundation it needed to create a sustainable fatherhood program. With the foundation in place, they began adding the elements that would make up an effective fatherhood initiative across the city and surrounding counties like you're starting to see today.

First, they began using NFI curricula to meet the community’s needs. They partnered with AmeriCorps and Richmond City Human Services for a grant to hire two part-time staff to deliver NFI’s InsideOut Dad® Program in the Richmond City Jail. They also partnered with the Henrico County Public Schools Fatherhood Initiative - Man Up, which was not using a curriculum, to begin offering NFI’s 24/7 Dad® program.

All of this work helped raise public awareness in the community about the importance of serving fathers. For example, NFI’s Fatherhood Resource Kiosks, filled with brochures for dads, were a public, visible sign that services were being provided to dads. First Things First also worked with the Richmond Family and Fatherhood Initiative to help them diversify their resources and provide instructors to deliver various programs.

Want to see First Things First in action in Richmond City Jail? Watch testimonials from participants in (Richmond, VA): In this video, see how InsideOut Dad® is helping teach men to be better husbands and dads and connect to their families. 


First Things First has also promoted their story well—using publicity to ensure that the community knows the positive work they are doing, such as working with the jail to promote the use of InsideOut Dad®, which resulted in a story in the Richmond Times Dispatch. Additionally, they are using various resources at their disposal to educate and inspire their partners and their community about the importance of providing services to fathers. Here are just a few services provided by other groups or companies First Things First partners with various organizations and entities to carry out its work:

  • Richmond City Sheriff’s Office
  • Henrico County Public Schools Fatherhood Initiative – Man Up
  • U Turn Ministries
  • Central Library 

We are proud to be helping the Greater Richmond area reach fathers and are excited about what we've seen can happen when a group of leaders see the problem and work toward a solution. Go Richmond, and go dads.

Here are a few resources you will find helpful for more information:

The Ultimate Guide to Connecting With Your Child

image > istock

 

Fresno Dads Are Getting Help Thanks to 'POPS'

Research tells us kids raised in fatherless homes are four times more likely to grow up in poverty. The group called "POPS" is reversing this awful statistic by changing fatherhood in Fresno County, California. There is good things happening in Fresno. Watch the video to see how Fresno Dads are learning to connect with their families. 

The letters P-O-P-S stand for "Proving Our Parenting Skills" and as part of the Responsible Fatherhood Program it's a collaborative that provides resources to Fresno County, California fathers in need of economic stability, employment services, activities to promote or sustain marriage and healthy relationships, and activities to promote responsible fatherhood/parenting.  

The POPS program uses NFI's 24/7 Dad® Program and Love Notes™ (the program young adults who are married or considering marriage). This picture is of a recent graduating class from our popular 24/7 Dad® Program. 

247-dad-class-fresno-ca

Watch the video below for more details, but what follows is one story from this helpful group of dads. 

Here's one story from POPS in Fresno, you can view the full article here:

Gaeta, a 20-year-old father is making up for lost time with help from the Proving Our Parenting Skills (POPS). Fresno Housing Authority, First 5 Fresno County, and Marjaree Mason Center are only a few of the collaborative partners in the POPS program. Fathers like Gaeta are encouraged to participate in parenting skills and relationship-building classes.

Gaeta works fulltime with the Fresno EOC Local Conservation Corps. He's also a fulltime student at Fresno City College, where he is studying electrical engineering. "They (Fresno EOC) have quite a bit of stuff to offer people who need things, but there's a lot of things out there for mothers, but not a lot for dads," said Gaeta, father to 2-year-old Natalia Emilia.

Gaeta wants create a better future with his daughter and her mother. Gaeta's past of skipping school and neglecting his studies are in the past. "I used to miss about 10 days (of school) a month," said Gaeta, "but I know I want her (Natalia) to go to college..." Aside from the parenting skills, Gaeta voluntarily signed up for anger management courses from the POPS program. The program, he said, has strengthened his relationship with his parents.

"I know I had an anger management problem. I've been learning to have a little bit more patience; and learn how to cope with everything better. Anything that irritated me or frustrated would grow into anger," said Gaeta, "I've always talked about it. It was something that I was always aware of." Gaeta was inspired when his daughter and bride-to-be Teresa witnessed his graduation last from Fresno EOC's YouthBuild Charter School of California. "That was really good," he added. Gaeta hopes to graduate from Fresno City College, then transfer to California State University, Fresno.


Fresno POPS has also helped Gaeta with the cost of childcare by giving clothing, diapers and other needs. The program can foster up to 1,500 individuals. We are thankful there are men and women willing to serve dads in Fresno like this. Fresno POPS is changing fatherhood and families in Fresno and beyond. 

If you live in the Fresno area, visit Fresno POPS for details. If you're interested helping dads in your area, download How to Start a Fatherhood Program

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Locked Up in Jacksonville Florida: How One Corrections Dept is Correcting Fatherhood

The average cost to incarcerate a person for one year is $29,000. I hate this expense so much. Hear me out, I'm all for criminals doing the time. But, since "doing the time" is costing college tuition, I think inmates should learn something for that kind of money. We should at least teach inmates how to get out of prison instead of how to stay in. If you find yourself locked up in Jacksonville, Florida, look for a man named Rickie Shaw. Mr. Shaw can help.

We know all about the father absence crisis in America. A major part of this crisis is sitting behind bars. We wrote Fathers Behind Bars a few months ago, but allow me to remind of some stats related to fathers in prison:

  • There are 2.7 million children with a parent in prison or jail.
  • Ninety-two percent (92%) of parents in prison are fathers. 
  • 650,000+ ex-offenders are released from prison every year.
  • Two-thirds of ex-offenders, or 429,000, will likely re-offend within three (3) years.

This problem is the one Adam Causey, writing for Jacksonville.com, covered a while back. It's still one of the best videos I've seen for showing why rehabilitating inmates is vital and how NFI helps.

Rickie Shaw, a Community Outreach Development Specialist with Family Support Services, teaches weekly sessions of NFI's InsideOut Dad® program, the fatherhood program for inmates to learn the skills they need to be a better father. He teaches at the James I. Montgomery Correctional Center in Jacksonville, Florida.

rickie-shaw-florida-corrections
As you might imagine, prison inmates make for a tough crowd. But, Rickie Shaw has learned what it takes to connect. He says in the video that follows,"I am man. I am dad. So are they. That's a natural connection. But, they have to understand, I'm genuine. That my motivation is not to collect my two-week check. I'm here to make sure these men make a difference in their children's lives."  

 Can't see the video? Click here to view.

Please take time to watch this video. Rickie Shaw gets it. He'll be the first to tell you parenting is a learned skill. If you find yourself at Jacksonville’s Montgomery Correctional Facility on a Monday or Wednesday, you'll find a group of inmates learning how to be men.

From discussions on relationships, communication, and discipline, there's nothing out of bounds when it comes to preparing inmates for release from prison. It's all part of the InsideOut Dad® program.

Family Support Services of Northeast Florida is the nonprofit that handles local adoptions and other state-funded social services. They expanded the program to Duval County after it worked well in other parts of Florida.

Adam Causey, the writer of the aforementioned article, recalled upon visiting an InsideOut Dad® class, that men were learning about developmental stages of children. He recalls inmates "laughing as they read about babies as young as two months being able to mimic smiles..." Inmates also learn, that by ages 1 and 2, kids grow inches in just months and add four to six pounds a year.

Have you ever been locked behind bars? Hopefully you haven't. But, consider this, the physical changes of a child happen fast. When you're locked up, one year can mean missing out on a lot in a child’s life. 

Rickie Shaw talks on the video about the inmates and how he can see them start to process the information in the class. He says:

I can see the wheels start turning in their head...they start to bring back conversations that they've had with their mates through letters and visitations. They start processing things that happened in their past with their moms and dads when they were kids. They're looking for answers and solutions to things that shaped their lives That's when I know I'm being effective.

Rickie continues discussing the biggest misconception about the inmates he works with:

The biggest misconception about inmates is that whatever got them here, they have to be punished and no rehabilitation. I think the original thought behind imprisoning someone was that they would have the time to rehabilitate—maybe change the behaviors that got them bars. Classes like InsideOut Dad® and GED programs and various drug abuse programs and domestic violence classes, those are the rehabilitative devices that are definitely needed in a place like this so that they can come out with skills that they didn't have when they came in. I see this as a true opportunity to help rehabilitate someone and help put them in a better place.

florida-corrections-january

Two separate attendees had this to say about the InsideOut Dad® Program:

"I can say I've learned a lot since I've been in the class. I'm thankful for him (Rickie) coming. Whoever made this program up, it's a good help, a real good help." —InsideOut® Dad Attendee

"I'm happy with the topics we discuss. I think it's [InsideOut Dad® Program] gonna help me when I get out to be a better father and better husband." —InsideOut® Attendee

I don't live or have family in Jacksonville, Florida. But, I sure hope that if you or someone you know is behind bars, they have access to someone like Rickie and NFI's program. This kind of education may just be more valuable and life changing than a college degree.

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Download the free sample > InsideOut Dad®


InsideOut Dad® is the nation's only evidence-based fatherhood program designed specifically for incarcerated fathers.

Fatherhood Research and Practice Network Selects Grantees

The Fatherhood Research and Practice Network (FRPN), of which NFI's President, Christopher Brown, serves as a steering committee member, recently announced its first group of funded projects. We have kept you in the loop from the start of this great opportunity. So, we want you, our readers, to be among the first to read this great news.

dad_with_boy_in_armsAs you may recall, we introduced you to the opportunity of funding and technical assistance (TA) that was coming available from the federal government to help potential organizations rigorously evaluate their fatherhood program. You can click here to read the full post.

At that time, we noted how excited we were about the potential of the FRPN to advance research and practice in connecting fathers with their children.

As a reminder, the objectives of the FRPN are to:

  • Promote rigorous evaluation of fatherhood programs.
  • Expand the number of researchers and practitioners collaborating to evaluate these programs.
  • Disseminate information that leads to effective fatherhood practice and evaluation research.

FRPN has now selected its first round of funded projects. They picked four projects designed to rigorously evaluate fatherhood programs that will receive a total of $350,000.

These projects involve:

  • randomized-controlled trials (RCTs);
  • are led by researcher/practitioner teams;
  • and involve the collection of data from program participants and/or staff at pre- and post-program time points to assess changes in father-child relationships and co-parenting.

The selected fatherhood programs and services to be evaluated include groups from across the nation. For a full list and details regarding the selected grantees, please visit www.frpn.org

The FRPN will solicit proposals for a new round of funding to conduct rigorous evaluations of fatherhood programs in spring 2015. Learn more about the funded projects at www.frpn.org.

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