--- title: Why You Should Let Dads Cheat to Become a Better Dad description: Allowing dads to cheat is about integrating flexibility into becoming a better dad. We explain more in this article. image: https://www.fatherhood.org/hubfs/better_dad.png --- [Skip to main content](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/why_you_should_let_dads_cheat_to_become_a_better_dad#main) - [![NFI mark](https://www.fatherhood.org/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI%20mark.svg)FATHERHOOD.ORG](https://www.fatherhood.org/) - [STORE.FATHERHOOD.ORG](https://store.fatherhood.org/) [![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=149&height=82&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=119&height=65&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=119&height=66&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=89&height=49&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ](https://www.fatherhood.org) - [How To Build Strong Families](https://www.fatherhood.org/build-strong-families) - [Why Father Inclusion Matters](https://www.fatherhood.org/why-father-inclusion-matters) - Show submenu for Get Involved Get Involved - [Fatherhood Programs](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/programs-and-resources) - [Train Your Staff](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/staff-training) - [State, County, and City Agency Services](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/collaborative-services) Open main navigation Close main navigation - Show submenu for Get Informed Get Informed - [How To Build Strong Families](https://www.fatherhood.org/build-strong-families) - [Why Father Inclusion Matters](https://www.fatherhood.org/why-father-inclusion-matters) - [Father Stats & Infographics](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-absence-statistic) - Show submenu for Get Involved Get Involved - [Fatherhood Programs](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/programs-and-resources) - [Train Your Staff](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/staff-training) - [State, County, and City Agency Services](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/collaborative-services) - Show submenu for Get Started Get Started - [Find Your Stage of Father Inclusion](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-inclusion) - [How Father Friendly Is Your Organization?](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-friendly) - [Get In Touch](https://www.fatherhood.org/get-started) [Store](https://store.fatherhood.org/?hsLang=en) [Get In Touch](https://www.fatherhood.org/get-started) [Store](https://store.fatherhood.org/?hsLang=en) Show submenu for Get Started Get Started - [Fatherhood Data & Statistics](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-absence-statistic) - [How Father Friendly is Your Organization?](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-friendly) - [Other Free Resources](https://www.fatherhood.org/nfi-free-resources) - [Talk With us to Get Started](https://www.fatherhood.org/get-started) National Fatherhood Initiative Blog / [Latest Articles](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood) [General Fatherhood Research & Studies](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/topic/general-fatherhood-research-studies) # Why You Should Let Dads Cheat to Become a Better Dad 2 min read ![Christopher A. Brown](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/Images/chris_circle_icon.png?width=100&height=100&name=chris_circle_icon.png) [** Christopher A. Brown ** ](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/author/christopher-a-brown) Chris serves as the President of National Fatherhood Initiative® (NFI), where he is responsible for overseeing the development and implementation of NFI's strategic plan and business model, as well as its operations and fundraising efforts. ![responsible fatherhood](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/better_dad.png?width=452&name=better_dad.png "responsible fatherhood") Have you ever cheated when you tried to reach a personal goal, such as adopting a better diet, losing weight, or stopping smoking? Recent [research](http://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article/emergency-reserve-can-help-us-reach-goals/?utm_source=kw_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=2018-01-02) shows that giving people the option to cheat on the way to achieving a personal goal—what researchers call “emergency reserves”—helps them to achieve that goal and to perform better along the way. ** Why?** - Having the option every once in a while to not behave consistently with achieving a goal—a day or two during the week to not follow a new diet, for example—integrates flexibility into goal attainment, which motivates people to achieve a goal. - Knowing they can cheat from time to time motivates people to resist cheating! When faced with a desire to cheat, they tend to resist the temptation as they wait for a greater emergency. - People tend to feel guiltier when they do cheat. After they cheat, they’re more likely to get back on the proverbial horse and achieve their goal. This research has implications for helping dads become better dads. If your work with dads involves helping them set goals, you should consider providing dads with emergency reserves related to those goals. If you use the [24/7 Dad® program](https://store.fatherhood.org/24-7-dad-programs/) (3rd edition), for example, you help dads identify ways to be more involved in their children’s lives using the My 24/7 Dad® Checklist. This checklist includes activities (tasks) that dads can do daily, weekly, monthly, or one time to be more involved. If a dad creates a daily activity, such as talking to his child after school about the child’s day, you could tell the dad that it’s okay if he doesn’t do that once every couple of weeks. The challenge in telling dads it’s okay to cheat from time to time is how often to tell them they can cheat. Researchers are only now starting to explore how much cheating is too much such that it affects achieving a goal and performance along the way. It’s also vital to consider the nature of the goal and whether any cheating is okay. **Here are a few tips for applying this research.** - Think about the goal and the consequence of cheating. Allowing dads to cheat is about integrating flexibility into becoming a better dad. It should help and not hinder achieving that ultimate goal. It’s okay for a dad to cheat a few times a month on a daily task to search for a better paying job. It’s also okay for a dad to cheat a few times a month on a daily task to read a book to his child before bedtime. It’s not okay to cheat, however, if a dad’s task is to make regular child support payments. It’s also not okay for a non-custodial dad who can visit his child only once a week to miss visits. - Dads should never cheat on activities they have told their children to expect. That doesn’t mean that a circumstance won’t arise that prevents a dad from delivering. When such a circumstance arises, a dad must explain to his child why he can’t deliver and apologize. - Experiment and measure performance. Vary the frequency with which dads can cheat. Measure how they do against their goals to see how much cheating is too much. We’ve all been told that any cheating is not acceptable under any circumstance. This research shows, however, that’s not the case. **Does your work with dads involve goal setting?** **Are you or the dads you work with inflexible with progress toward goals?**   [![Effective Fatherhood Program Facilitator](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/135704/a37aada9-d0ee-4c3e-8ffa-1ce245d15723.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/135704/a37aada9-d0ee-4c3e-8ffa-1ce245d15723)   Date Published: 01/11/2018 Last Updated: 03/01/2018 ## Learn How to Build a Fatherhood Program That Works Download this free guide for a proven 7-step roadmap—from making the case and securing funding for your program, to launching and measuring real results! 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