--- title: 20 Questions for Defining The Relationship description: Is there a difference between a image: https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/file-17560620-jpg/images/marriage-resized-600.jpg --- [Skip to main content](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/bid/152297/20-Questions-for-Defining-The-Relationship#main) - [![NFI mark](https://www.fatherhood.org/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI%20mark.svg)FATHERHOOD.ORG](https://www.fatherhood.org/) - [STORE.FATHERHOOD.ORG](https://store.fatherhood.org/) [![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=149&height=82&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=119&height=65&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=119&height=66&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=89&height=49&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ](https://www.fatherhood.org) - [How To Build Strong Families](https://www.fatherhood.org/build-strong-families) - [Why Father Inclusion Matters](https://www.fatherhood.org/why-father-inclusion-matters) - Show submenu for Get Involved Get Involved - [Fatherhood Programs](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/programs-and-resources) - [Train Your Staff](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/staff-training) - [State, County, and City Agency Services](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/collaborative-services) Open main navigation Close main navigation - Show submenu for Get Informed Get Informed - [How To Build Strong Families](https://www.fatherhood.org/build-strong-families) - [Why Father Inclusion Matters](https://www.fatherhood.org/why-father-inclusion-matters) - [Father Stats & Infographics](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-absence-statistic) - Show submenu for Get Involved Get Involved - [Fatherhood Programs](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/programs-and-resources) - [Train Your Staff](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/staff-training) - [State, County, and City Agency Services](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/collaborative-services) - Show submenu for Get Started Get Started - [Find Your Stage of Father Inclusion](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-inclusion) - [How Father Friendly Is Your Organization?](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-friendly) - [Get In Touch](https://www.fatherhood.org/get-started) [Store](https://store.fatherhood.org/?hsLang=en) [Get In Touch](https://www.fatherhood.org/get-started) [Store](https://store.fatherhood.org/?hsLang=en) Show submenu for Get Started Get Started - [Fatherhood Data & Statistics](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-absence-statistic) - [How Father Friendly is Your Organization?](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-friendly) - [Other Free Resources](https://www.fatherhood.org/nfi-free-resources) - [Talk With us to Get Started](https://www.fatherhood.org/get-started) National Fatherhood Initiative Blog / [Latest Articles](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood) [couples](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/topic/couples) # 20 Questions for Defining The Relationship 1 min read ![Melissa Byers](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/Images/melissa_circle_icon.png?width=100&height=100&name=melissa_circle_icon.png) [** Melissa Byers ** ](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/author/melissa-byers) Melissa is the Chief Marketing Officer at National Fatherhood Initiative® (NFI). Melissa oversees the organization's marketing, communications, graphic design, and product fulfillment functions. Is there a difference between a "healthy relationship" and a "healthy marriage?" Roland C. Warren, president of National Fatherhood Initiative, recently published a column for *[The Washington Post](http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/therootdc/post/defining-a-healthy-relationship/2012/08/01/gJQAOYEEPX_blog.html)* discussing current trends related to marriage and relationships. He proposes couple's ask themselves ["20 Questions" to define the relationship](https://www.fatherhood.org/page.aspx?pid=1592).  ![marriage resized 600](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/file-17560620-jpg/images/marriage-resized-600.jpg?width=320&height=205&name=marriage-resized-600.jpg) In the article, Roland points out that the quality of the relationship between a child’s mother and father is one of the most important factors in determining how that child will do in life. He sees an alarming trend in couples not seeing the importance to get married or understanding the difference between what some couples would call a "healthy relationship" and what makes a "healthy marriage?" Roland proposes that couples ask [20 questions that define the relationship](https://www.fatherhood.org/page.aspx?pid=1592) in order to know the difference between a healthy marriage and a healthy relationship. Roland writes, "At a time when marriage rates across the country are down and out-of-wedlock birthrates are at all-time highs, especially in the African American community, we must stop to consider how this trend of equating marriages and “relationships” is affecting children." He continues, "The reality is that there is an enormous difference between a healthy relationship and a healthy marriage." As Roland points out, every couple eventually has to have that “define the relationship” conversation. This can be accomplished by asking a few thoughtful questions. Your answers to the questions may reveal something you didn't already know about your partner. It's a problem if you never talk about your relationship status. However, the real problems arise when each partner already knows the answers to the questions, but isn't telling the other partner. It's time to have "the talk." *Read the full article by Roland C. Warren at **[The Washington Post](http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/therootdc/post/defining-a-healthy-relationship/2012/08/01/gJQAOYEEPX_blog.html)** or get the **[20 Questions for Defining The Relationship](https://www.fatherhood.org/page.aspx?pid=1592)**.  * photo credit: [Caucas' ](http://www.flickr.com/photos/thecaucas/2232897539/) [![Sign Up Now for Free Dad Tips!](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/135704/bd7069ed-8b86-4113-a335-dc50011b2506.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/135704/bd7069ed-8b86-4113-a335-dc50011b2506) Date Published: 08/03/2012 Last Updated: 06/11/2018 ## Learn How to Build a Fatherhood Program That Works Download this free guide for a proven 7-step roadmap—from making the case and securing funding for your program, to launching and measuring real results! 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