--- title: "Weird Science: Teach Dads “Self-Talk” to Become Better Dads" description: Self-talk is not crazy. In fact, it is quite healthy and can help dads become better dads. It can also help you to become a better practitioner and facilitator in your work with dads! image: https://www.fatherhood.org/hubfs/Images/Blog/NFI_Blog_self_talk.jpg --- [Skip to main content](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/teach-dads-self-talk-to-become-better-dads#main) - [![NFI mark](https://www.fatherhood.org/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI%20mark.svg)FATHERHOOD.ORG](https://www.fatherhood.org/) - [STORE.FATHERHOOD.ORG](https://store.fatherhood.org/) [![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=149&height=82&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=119&height=65&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=119&height=66&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=89&height=49&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ](https://www.fatherhood.org) - [How To Build Strong Families](https://www.fatherhood.org/build-strong-families) - [Why Father Inclusion Matters](https://www.fatherhood.org/why-father-inclusion-matters) - Show submenu for Get Involved Get Involved - [Fatherhood Programs](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/programs-and-resources) - [Train Your Staff](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/staff-training) - [State, County, and City Agency Services](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/collaborative-services) Open main navigation Close main navigation - Show submenu for Get Informed Get Informed - [How To Build Strong Families](https://www.fatherhood.org/build-strong-families) - [Why Father Inclusion Matters](https://www.fatherhood.org/why-father-inclusion-matters) - [Father Stats & Infographics](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-absence-statistic) - Show submenu for Get Involved Get Involved - [Fatherhood Programs](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/programs-and-resources) - [Train Your Staff](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/staff-training) - [State, County, and City Agency Services](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/collaborative-services) - Show submenu for Get Started Get Started - [Find Your Stage of Father Inclusion](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-inclusion) - [How Father Friendly Is Your Organization?](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-friendly) - [Get In Touch](https://www.fatherhood.org/get-started) [Store](https://store.fatherhood.org/?hsLang=en) [Get In Touch](https://www.fatherhood.org/get-started) [Store](https://store.fatherhood.org/?hsLang=en) Show submenu for Get Started Get Started - [Fatherhood Data & Statistics](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-absence-statistic) - [How Father Friendly is Your Organization?](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-friendly) - [Other Free Resources](https://www.fatherhood.org/nfi-free-resources) - [Talk With us to Get Started](https://www.fatherhood.org/get-started) National Fatherhood Initiative Blog / [Latest Articles](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood) [General Fatherhood Program Resources](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/topic/general-fatherhood-program-resources) # Weird Science: Teach Dads “Self-Talk” to Become Better Dads 1 min read ![Christopher A. Brown](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/Images/chris_circle_icon.png?width=100&height=100&name=chris_circle_icon.png) [** Christopher A. Brown ** ](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/author/christopher-a-brown) Chris serves as the President of National Fatherhood Initiative® (NFI), where he is responsible for overseeing the development and implementation of NFI's strategic plan and business model, as well as its operations and fundraising efforts. ![NFI_Blog_self_talk](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/Images/Blog/NFI_Blog_self_talk.jpg?width=452&name=NFI_Blog_self_talk.jpg)  During your childhood, did anyone tell you that talking to yourself out loud was weird and might be a sign of mental illness? I can recall a ton of people from my childhood who subscribed to that myth. The fact is “self-talk,” whether internal (silently in your head) or external (out loud), is [quite healthy](https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/08/smarter-living/benefits-of-talking-to-yourself-self-talk.html). In fact, research has found that that in some instances external self-talk can be more beneficial than internal self-talk. The bottom line is we can use either kind of self-talk to positively influence our own thoughts and behavior. **Self-talk can be so powerful, in fact, that you should teach dads how to use it to become better dads.** The reason self-talk can be a powerful tool for dads is that it helps them to “self-distance”: to gain distance from themselves so that they can look at a situation objectively. The process of self-distancing will act as a self-coach who encourages a dad to persevere through the difficult situations so many dads face on their journey to become a better dad. The key for dads to initiate self-distancing is to talk to themselves in the first, second, or third person. For example: - (1stPerson) I will be a better dad! - (2ndPerson) You will be a better dad! - (3rdPerson) John will be a better dad! Research shows that talking to yourself in the second person is more powerful than in the first person and, likewise, talking to yourself in the third person is more powerful than in the second person. The benefits of self-talk can extend beyond the dads you serve. Dads can teach their children to use it. Even you can use it to become, for example, a better program facilitator. - I will become a better facilitator! - You will become a better facilitator! - [Insert your name] will become a better facilitator! Say it out loud and your coworkers might think you’re weird, but, hey…who cares! (Chris will be a better blog writer! Did you hear that?) **What kinds of “weird science” do you use in your work with dads?** **Did you know that National Fatherhood Initiative’s [Effective Facilitation Certificate™](https://store.fatherhood.org/effective-facilitation-certificate-online-training/) can help you to become a better facilitator?**   [![Effective Fatherhood Program Facilitator](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/135704/a37aada9-d0ee-4c3e-8ffa-1ce245d15723.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/135704/a37aada9-d0ee-4c3e-8ffa-1ce245d15723) Date Published: 10/09/2018 Last Updated: 11/22/2024 ## Learn How to Build a Fatherhood Program That Works Download this free guide for a proven 7-step roadmap—from making the case and securing funding for your program, to launching and measuring real results! [Get The Guide Now!](https://www.fatherhood.org/starting-a-fatherhood-program) ![7-steps-starting-a-fatherhood_program](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/Images/7-steps-starting-a-fatherhood_program.png?width=700&height=700&name=7-steps-starting-a-fatherhood_program.png) [ Previous ](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/inspired-use-of-spanish-language-print-materials-creates-a-father-friendly-environment) [ Next ](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/insideout-dad-anti-recidivism-program-graduates-largest-class-to-date) ## Related Articles ### [Limited Blog Series: Supporting My Co-Parent Image created with GPT Image 2. Quick Confidence Builds are brief activities that practitioners can use when working with dads in face-to-face or virtual group-based or one-on-one ... 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