--- title: The Moral Rationalization of Non-Married Fatherhood description: The consequences of rationalizing non-married fatherhood has given our culture reason to think fathers are no longer relevant to society. image: https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/file-17574997-jpg/images/willumarryme-resized-600.jpg --- [Skip to main content](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/bid/153718/the-moral-rationalization-of-non-married-fatherhood#main) - [![NFI mark](https://www.fatherhood.org/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI%20mark.svg)FATHERHOOD.ORG](https://www.fatherhood.org/) - [STORE.FATHERHOOD.ORG](https://store.fatherhood.org/) [![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=149&height=82&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=119&height=65&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=119&height=66&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png?width=89&height=49&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201.png) ](https://www.fatherhood.org) - [How To Build Strong Families](https://www.fatherhood.org/build-strong-families) - [Why Father Inclusion Matters](https://www.fatherhood.org/why-father-inclusion-matters) - Show submenu for Get Involved Get Involved - [Fatherhood Programs](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/programs-and-resources) - [Train Your Staff](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/staff-training) - [State, County, and City Agency Services](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/collaborative-services) Open main navigation Close main navigation - Show submenu for Get Informed Get Informed - [How To Build Strong Families](https://www.fatherhood.org/build-strong-families) - [Why Father Inclusion Matters](https://www.fatherhood.org/why-father-inclusion-matters) - [Father Stats & Infographics](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-absence-statistic) - Show submenu for Get Involved Get Involved - [Fatherhood Programs](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/programs-and-resources) - [Train Your Staff](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/staff-training) - [State, County, and City Agency Services](https://www.fatherhood.org/solutions/collaborative-services) - Show submenu for Get Started Get Started - [Find Your Stage of Father Inclusion](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-inclusion) - [How Father Friendly Is Your Organization?](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-friendly) - [Get In Touch](https://www.fatherhood.org/get-started) [Store](https://store.fatherhood.org/?hsLang=en) [Get In Touch](https://www.fatherhood.org/get-started) [Store](https://store.fatherhood.org/?hsLang=en) Show submenu for Get Started Get Started - [Fatherhood Data & Statistics](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-absence-statistic) - [How Father Friendly is Your Organization?](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-friendly) - [Other Free Resources](https://www.fatherhood.org/nfi-free-resources) - [Talk With us to Get Started](https://www.fatherhood.org/get-started) National Fatherhood Initiative Blog / [Latest Articles](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood) [General Fatherhood Research & Studies](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/topic/general-fatherhood-research-studies) # The Moral Rationalization of Non-Married Fatherhood 3 min read ![Melissa Byers](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/Images/melissa_circle_icon.png?width=100&height=100&name=melissa_circle_icon.png) [** Melissa Byers ** ](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/author/melissa-byers) Melissa is the Chief Marketing Officer at National Fatherhood Initiative® (NFI). Melissa oversees the organization's marketing, communications, graphic design, and product fulfillment functions. ##### ***The following is a post from Christopher A. Brown, Executive Vice President of National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI). If you would like to blog for us, [email here](mailto:rsanders@fatherhood.org?subject=Guest%20blogging%20for%20NFI).  *** I’m an avid reader of business articles (e.g. what works in business) because they spark ideas that NFI has implemented to help us effectively pursue our mission. But rarely do I read such an article that helps build my knowledge about the cultural challenges we face in promoting involved, responsible, committed fatherhood.  Recently, however, I read **[an article on research conducted by professors at the Wharton School](http://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article.cfm?articleid=3074)** (the preeminent business school at the University of Pennsylvania) that examines how people react to scandals of celebrities with huge brands, and it provided me with additional insight on how our society has dealt with the crisis of father absence. ![Will you marry me?](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/file-17574997-jpg/images/willumarryme-resized-600.jpg) The researchers conducted several studies on how people react to “moral transgressions” by public figures (e.g. athletes and politicians) and whether they were more likely to react with “moral rationalization” or “moral decoupling” to those transgressions. In **moral** **rationalization** a person downplays the moral transgression. “It’s not so bad,” they say. “Everyone else does it.” Thus, the transgression becomes excusable. **Moral** **decoupling**, in contrast, involves separating the transgression from other acts. It preserves the person’s outrage at the transgression and allows them to believe that it doesn’t affect other parts of the transgressor’s life, profession, etc. Remember the Tiger Woods sex scandal? (Unless you live under a rock, I’m sure you do.) What about the Michael Vick dog-fighting conviction? What has happened since those two athletes came under scrutiny for their transgressions? They’re just as, and perhaps more popular, than ever.  Forgiveness aside (and I don’t discount the importance of forgiveness), these athletes have probably benefitted from a branding standpoint because of those transgressions. (Note how Lance Armstrong’s Livestrong Foundation has seen its donations rise in the wake of him dropping his fight against doping allegations.) The researchers found that people engage more often in moral decoupling because it allows them to maintain their view that the act was immoral and that it had or has no effect on their performance (in whatever way they perform—on the field, in Congress, etc.). Fans of Tiger and Michael say, “Sure. What he did was wrong, but I see no reason why that should affect whether I’m a fan.”   So what does this research have to do with fatherhood? Do people engage in moral decoupling when they react to non-married fatherhood? Nope. The reason is that we no longer look at non-married fatherhood as a moral transgression. Consequently, we don’t have to separate a father not being married to the mother of his children from his ability to be an involved, responsible, committed father despite the reams of evidence that marriage arose in cultures across the world in large part to connect fathers to their children, and that it provides the best environment in which to reduce the risk that children will grow up facing a host of risks. You see, non-married fatherhood (and motherhood, by the way) has become excusable. As we’ve seen a rise in the number of out-of-wedlock childbirths leading to more and more children growing up without fathers, we’ve engaged in moral **rationalization** rather than moral decoupling. We say, “It’s not so bad. So many people are doing it that it doesn’t really matter.” (You only have to watch one episode of the hugely-popular Jersey Shore or the many other reality shows and sitcoms that celebrate out-of-wedlock child bearing to see my point.) Don’t get me wrong. My argument isn’t that a specific unmarried dad can’t be a good father to his children. But when viewed through the lens of our culture and population at large, the conclusion that we have rationalized away the morality of unmarried fatherhood is undeniable. It has moved us away from our society's real need to address it in a preventive manner. Unfortunately, the consequences of this rationalization are a huge burden on our society as noted in **[NFI’s 100 Billion Dollar Man study](https://www.fatherhood.org/media/fatherhood-statistics/one-hundred-billion-dollar-man-download)**. But perhaps even more frightening is that it has, sadly, set the stage for the current debate about whether fathers are even relevant any longer. ##### photo credit: JakeBrewer Date Published: 09/18/2012 Last Updated: 06/11/2018 ## Learn How to Build a Fatherhood Program That Works Download this free guide for a proven 7-step roadmap—from making the case and securing funding for your program, to launching and measuring real results! [Get The Guide Now!](https://www.fatherhood.org/starting-a-fatherhood-program) ![7-steps-starting-a-fatherhood_program](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/Images/7-steps-starting-a-fatherhood_program.png?width=700&height=700&name=7-steps-starting-a-fatherhood_program.png) [ Previous ](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/bid/157364/NFI-Honors-Mayor-Bloomberg-With-Fatherhood-Award) [ Next ](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/bid/158018/End-Father-Absence-Give-a-Second-Chance-to-Dads-Like-Steven) ## Related Articles ### [24:7 Dad® + Case Management = A Winning Combo A few months ago, I spoke with two researchers who recently completed an evaluation of a fatherhood program that uses 24:7 Dad® as its foundation. They were planning to submit a ... Read More](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/247-dad-plus-case-management-winning-combo) ### [The Message Parenting Educators Still Need to Hear I participated recently in a panel at a virtual conference for parenting educators. The discussion centered on the challenges today’s parents face and how parenting educators can ... Read More](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/message-parenting-educators-still-need-to-hear) ### [The $154 Billion Problem Many Communities Are Ignoring — And How to Fix It If the U.S. can spend $154 billion in only one year addressing the effects of father absence, the real question is not whether this is a problem—it’s whether we are addressing it ... Read More](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/the-154-billion-problem-many-communities-are-ignoring-and-how-to-fix-it) ### Explore Topics [NFI-Specific Programs & Resources](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/topic/nfi-specific-programs-resources) [Tips & Tricks](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/topic/tips-tricks) [General Fatherhood Program Resources](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/topic/general-fatherhood-program-resources) [General Fatherhood Research & Studies](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/topic/general-fatherhood-research-studies) [Success Stories](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/topic/success-stories) [NFI News & Updates](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/topic/nfi-news-updates) [Program Recruitment & Retention](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/topic/program-recruitment-retention) [Research on NFI Programs & Resources](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/topic/research-on-nfi-programs-resources) [Fundraising](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/topic/fundraising) [All Posts](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood/all) ### Subscribe to Championing Fatherhood ![Laptop with NFI store website opened](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/Laptop%20with%20NFI%20store%20website%20opened.png?width=279&height=167&name=Laptop%20with%20NFI%20store%20website%20opened.png) ### Get the Father Engagement Resources You Need [ Visit Online Store ](https://cta-service-cms2.hubspot.com/web-interactives/public/v1/track/click?encryptedPayload=AVxigLKw4WaOo8902iPmpW%2ByUsyBSKuq3qkzqNyXpzwPOccE0AXP2KES9oXgU9nIB8fuwW%2BqIn%2Fks1zUl4Xat3EfgSWc9L3SpStWlNlgOYxw5gMRlbHlSTv5NllcFgvU6lYkSZwB5VyC1gksPebRm5z%2FxU8k1Flp%2FIqV%2FKhmFjDSTcs%3D&portalId=135704) [![NFI_logo_blue_left (1) 1 (1)](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201%20(1).png?width=148&height=88&name=NFI_logo_blue_left%20(1)%201%20(1).png) ](https://www.fatherhood.org) [![Facebook](https://www.fatherhood.org/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/Facebook.svg) ](https://www.facebook.com/nationalfatherhoodinitiative/) [![LinkedIn](https://www.fatherhood.org/hubfs/NFI-Assets/images/LinkedIn.svg) ](https://www.linkedin.com/company/national-fatherhood-initiative) [![candid-seal-platinum-main](https://www.fatherhood.org/hs-fs/hubfs/Images/email/candid-seal-platinum-main.png?width=100&height=100&name=candid-seal-platinum-main.png) ](https://www.fatherhood.org) About - [Our Mission](https://www.fatherhood.org/our-mission) - [Our Impact](https://www.fatherhood.org/our-impact) - [Our History](https://www.fatherhood.org/history) - [Our Board & Staff](https://www.fatherhood.org/leadership) - [Contact Us](https://www.fatherhood.org/contact-us) Train Your Staff - [Program Facilitator Training](https://www.fatherhoodpractitioners.org/collections/core-programs) - [Earn Your Certificates](https://www.fatherhoodpractitioners.org/collections/certificates) - [Live Group Training](https://www.fatherhood.org/training-institute) Fatherhood Programs - [24:7 Dad®](https://store.fatherhood.org/shop-by-program/24-7-dad/) - [ProFathering15™](https://store.fatherhood.org/profathering15) - [24:7 Dad Key Behaviors™ Workshop](https://store.fatherhood.org/247-dad-key-behaviors-workshop-facilitators-kit/) - [InsideOut Dad®](https://store.fatherhood.org/insideout-dad-facilitators-kit/) - [Understanding Dad™](https://store.fatherhood.org/understanding-dad-facilitators-kit/) - [Co-Parenting Program Bundle](https://store.fatherhood.org/co-parenting-group-based-facilitators-bundle/) Fatherhood Data - [Free Data & Infographics](https://www.fatherhood.org/father-absence-statistic) - [Father Facts™ 9 Publication](https://store.fatherhood.org/father-facts-ninth-edition/) - [Father Facts Poster Sets](https://store.fatherhood.org/posters) - [Father Involvement Brochures](https://store.fatherhood.org/brochures) Free Resources - [Father Friendly Check-Up™](https://www.fatherhood.org/ffcu) - [Fatherhood Program Selection Tool](https://www.fatherhood.org/program-selector) - [Championing Fatherhood Blog](https://www.fatherhood.org/championing-fatherhood) - [Help Center](https://help.fatherhood.org/) - [**FatherSource™ Store**](https://store.fatherhood.org/) --- © 2026 National Fatherhood Initiative®. All rights reserved. - [FAQs](https://www.fatherhood.org/faq) - [Privacy Policy](https://www.fatherhood.org/privacy-policy) - [Terms of Service](https://www.fatherhood.org/terms-of-service) - [Cookies Settings](https://www.fatherhood.org/privacy-policy)