Limited Blog Series: Helping Dads Find Their “True North”

Quick Confidence Builds are brief activities that practitioners can use when working with dads in face-to-face or virtual group-based or one-on-one settings. (The group-based version is described first.) Practitioners can download a PDF of each activity for their use and to share with others. These activities help build fathering confidence, a vital factor influencing dads’ involvement in their children’s lives. Dads only need pen and paper to write down information when instructed. The practitioner needs only something to record on when instructed, such as a flip chart or whiteboard when working with dads face-to-face or a virtual whiteboard or chat when working with them virtually. Estimated times include reflection, discussion, and facilitator feedback. The exact timing will depend on many factors, such as facilitator experience and skill, the size of a group, how comfortable dads are in sharing their experiences and ideas, and their commitment to growing in their fathering.

Source: The activities are inspired by The 24:7 Dad: 12 Habits of Confident Fathers by NFI President Christopher A. Brown. Visit confidentfathers.com to learn more about the book released on June 2, 2026!

Quick Confidence Build: Commit to What Matters Most
Time: 20-25 minutes (group-based); 10-15 minutes (one-on-one)

The Goal: To help dads identify what matters most in their fathering and turn it into a clear, guiding statement.

Why This Matters: When dads identify what matters most, they create a “True North” that guides their decisions. It helps them stay focused—and gives them the confidence to course correct when they get off track. 

The Activity (Group-Based)

Step 1: I Drifted Because (4 minutes) 

SAY: There are times in everyone’s life when they drift from their goals.

ASK: When was the last time you drifted from a goal, and why did you drift from it?

(Discuss the reasons for drifting.)

Step 2: Reasons Fathers Drift (8 minutes)

SAY: Let's create a short list of five fathering goals and why fathers might drift from them—commitments they make to themselves, their children, and their co-parents. 

(Record their responses.)

ASK: Would anyone care to share a fathering goal you drifted from and why you drifted from it?

(Listen without judgment. It’s okay if no one shares because admitting something like this can be painful. For anyone sharing, explore what might help them stay on track the next time.)

Step 3: What Matters the Most (2 minutes)

SAY: One reason many fathers drift from their fathering goals is that they haven’t identified what matters most to them in being the best father they can be. When you have a clear idea of what matters  most, it acts like “True North” on a compass. It provides direction for your fatherhood journey and gives you the confidence to “course correct” when you drift from being consistently there for your children and family.

SAY: Raise your hand if you’ve identified what matters most to you in your fathering.

(Pause.)

Keep your hand raised if you’ve written it down and posted or placed it somewhere you see it often, such as daily.

(It’s possible that no one will raise a hand. If that happens, move on to the next step instead of asking the follow-up question.)

(For anyone with a hand still raised, have them share what matters most to them and where they posted or placed it.)

Step 4: Finding Your True North (6 minutes)

SAY: Work on your own to write down your “True North”—what matters most to you in being the best father you can be—and where you’ll post it to see it daily. Keep what matters most to one sentence so it’s easy to remember and post.

(If anyone indicated in the previous step that they’ve already done this, encourage them to review or refine what they’ve written.)

(Have as many report back as you have time.)

Step 5: Commit to Sharing Your True North (3 minutes)

SAY: A final step in strengthening your True North is to share it with others, especially your spouse or other co-parent and your children, but only if your children are old enough to understand its significance. Posting it will help accomplish this with people in your household, but there might be other ways to share it with others you don’t live with.

ASK: What are some ways you could share it with others?

(Have as many share as time allows. Encourage others to write down ideas they like.)

SAY: Commit this week to posting your True North and sharing it with at least two people you don’t live with. Following through on this will help you stay focused and build your confidence as a father.

The Activity (One-on-One)

Step 1: I Drifted Because (2 minutes)

SAY: There are times in everyone’s life when they drift from their goals.

ASK: When was the last time you drifted from a goal, and why did you drift from it?

(Discuss the reasons for drifting.)

Step 2: Reasons Fathers Drift (4 minutes)

SAY: Write down two fathering goals and why fathers might drift from them—commitments they make to themselves, their children, and their co-parents. After you’re done, share the goals and reasons for drifting with me.

ASK: Are either of these your goals and reasons for drifting? 

(Listen without judgment. It’s okay if none of the goals are his because admitting something like this can be painful. If any are his, explore how to help him stay on track the next time. If he says they're not his goals, consider asking if he's drifted from any of his goals, why he drifted from them, and explore how to help him stay on track.)

Step 3: What Matters the Most (2 minutes)

SAY: One reason many fathers drift from their fathering goals is that they haven’t identified what matters most to them in being the best father they can be. When you have a clear idea of what matters most, it acts like “True North” on a compass. It provides direction for your fatherhood journey and gives you the confidence to “course correct” when you drift from being there consistently for your children and family.

ASK: Have you identified what matters most in your fathering?

(If he hasn't, move on to the next step instead of asking the follow-up question.)

ASK: Have you written down what matters most and posted or placed it somewhere you see it often, ideally daily?

(If he has, discuss what matters most and where he posted it. Then move on to Step 5.)

Step 4: Finding Your True North (3 minutes)

SAY: Write down your “True North”—what matters most to you in being the best father you can be—and where you’ll post it to see it daily. Keep what matters most to one sentence so that it’s easy to remember and post. Then share those things with me.

Step 5: Commit to Sharing Your True North (3 minutes)

SAY: A final step in strengthening your True North is to share it with others, especially your spouse or other co-parent, and your children. If your children are old enough to understand its significance. Posting it will help accomplish this with people in your household, but there might be other ways to share it with others you don’t live with.

ASK: What are some ways you could share it with others?

(If he struggles to identify ways, offer suggestions.)

SAY: Commit this week to posting your True North and sharing it with at least two people you don’t live with. Following through on this will help you stay focused and build your confidence as a father.

Be sure to download and share the PDF of each activity to use and to share with others. Stay tuned for more in the series!

If you missed the previous Quick Confidence Build, click here to check it out!