Limited Blog Series: The Courage to Address Fathering Pain Points

Quick Confidence Builds are brief activities that practitioners can use when working with dads in face-to-face or virtual group-based or one-on-one settings. (The group-based version is described first.) Practitioners can download a PDF of each activity for their use and to share with others. These activities help build fathering confidence, a vital factor influencing dads’ involvement in their children’s lives. Dads only need pen and paper to write down information when instructed. The practitioner needs only something to record on when instructed, such as a flip chart or whiteboard when working with dads face-to-face or a virtual whiteboard or chat when working with them virtually. Estimated times include reflection, discussion, and facilitator feedback. The exact timing will depend on many factors, such as facilitator experience and skill, the size of a group, how comfortable dads are in sharing their experiences and ideas, and their commitment to growing in their fathering.

Source: The activities are inspired by The 24:7 Dad: 12 Habits of Confident Fathers by NFI President Christopher A. Brown. Visit confidentfathers.com to learn more about the book being released June 2, 2026!

Quick Confidence Build: My Pain Points
Time: 20-25 minutes (group-based); 10-15 minutes (one-on-one)

The Goal: To help dads’ willingness to identify the pain points (challenges) to address in improving their fathering.

Why This Matters: Good fathering requires the courage to address the inevitable pain points in raising children.

The Activity (Group-Based)

Step 1:  Name the Pain Point  (3 minutes)

(Write “Pain Points” on a flip chart or whiteboard.)

SAY: Every dad has moments that are tough—things that don’t go the way you want. We call these “pain points.”

ASK: What’s one fathering situation that feels like a pain point right now?

(If needed, offer examples: a child not listening, disagreements with a co-parent, not knowing what to expect at a certain age.)

(Record their responses. Keep the tone non-judgmental and matter-of-fact.) 

Step 2:  Explore What’s Been Tried (4 minutes)

ASK: What have you already tried to handle your pain point—and how has it worked?

(Acknowledge effort, even if results have been limited. Normalize that many approaches don’t work right away.)

Step 3: Reframe the Standard (1 minute)

SAY: A sign of being a good father isn’t the absence of problems—it’s being willing to face them. Even strong fathers deal with pain points. The difference is they take steps to work through them, often with help from others.

Step 4: Solve One Together (6 minutes)

SAY: Let’s take one of these pain points and work on it together.

(Select one common or relatable pain point from Step 1 or ask them for a suggestion.)

ASK: What are some ways a dad could handle this pain point?

(Encourage practical, realistic ideas. Guide them toward simple actions, not perfect solutions.)

Step 5: Choose Your Next Step (4 minutes)

SAY: Now choose one pain point you want to work on and write it down.

ASK: What’s one small step you can take this week to improve it?

(Give them time to think. Then invite sharing as time allows.)

(Encourage others to offer one helpful suggestion without overwhelming the speaker.)

Step 6: Commit to Action (2 minutes)

SAY: Write down your next step—and when you’ll take it. Share it with at least one other dad in the group.

The Activity (One-on-One)

Step 1: Name the Pain Point (2 minutes)

(Write “Pain Points” on a flip chart or whiteboard.)

SAY: Every dad has moments that are tough—things that don’t go the way you want. We call these “pain points.”

ASK: What’s one fathering situation that feels like a pain point right now?

(If needed, offer examples: a child not listening, disagreements with a co-parent, not knowing what to expect at a certain age.)

Step 2: Explore What’s Been Tried (2 minutes)

ASK: What have you already tried to handle this pain point—and how has it worked?

(Acknowledge effort, even if results have been limited. Normalize that many approaches don’t work right away.)

Step 3: Reframe the Standard (1 minute)

SAY: Being a good father doesn’t mean having no problems. It means being willing to face them and work on them. That’s how confidence grows.

Step 4: Identify a Better Approach (4 minutes)

SAY: What’s one different or better way you could handle this pain point?

(Offer one or two practical suggestions if needed. Keep it simple and realistic.)

Step 5: Strengthen the Approach (2 minutes)

ASK: What will make this approach easier to follow through on?

(Help clarify when, where, or how he’ll act.)

Step 6: Commit to Action (2 minutes)

SAY: Write down your next step and when you’ll take it. Then share it with me.

Be sure to download and share the PDF of each activity to use and to share with others. Stay tuned for more in the series!

If you missed the previous Quick Confidence Build, click here to check it out!