I recently screened the new parenting movie, Moms' Night Out. While laughing my way through the movie, I found myself connecting with one dad trying to get his wife to take a break.
As this post's title implies, there should be a mom's night out on the horizon for your family, too. But, from the intelligence I've gathered, moms feel guilty about leaving and taking a break. So, dad, it's on you to help make the mom in your life happy.
Whichever parent stays home every day with the kids needs breaks, and often. Emphasis on often. In this movie's case and in my life, mom is home everyday to take care of our kids. This post is meant to prep you, dad, for taking the lead in getting mom away for her much-needed rest. My next post in this series will be all about what to do with your kids once mom actually leaves the house.
I have experienced bliss in my married and parenting life. I've seen it, felt it, I know what it looks like. I've been married to my college sweetheart for ten years (11 years this October). If I was an NFL player, I'd be a veteran. You'd have to listen to me in the locker room. I want you to experience marital and parenting bliss, too. Bliss only shows up for the relaxed. It's funny how bliss works.
I'm suggesting two things for Operation: Keep Your Wife Sane. You must take the lead on giving the mom in your life these two things:
1) The Daily Break
2) The Weekly Break
I implied earlier that I "gathered intelligence"; i.e., I talked to my wife, Tonia. She says, and I'm pretty sure she speaks for all moms ever, one of biggest challenges a mom can face, especially a new mom, is the feeling of guilt about leaving your children. There's always "something else" to be done which often becomes an excuse for not taking a much-needed break.
In the Moms' Night Out movie, we gather from Sean Astin's character that he's "all in" on his wife taking a break, and he rejoices that she actually has a night out planned at the start of the film.
He has things "under control", so to speak, in that he's encouraging her to go out with friends and relax. Imagine the stressed-out mom with the husband who acts weird if his wife mentions needing a break. We don't want to be that dad, right?
Here's some things that, when I'm operating this life correctly, I know work. When I do these things, life is better for everyone in my home and around my home. I promise. Trust me and do these things.
1) The Daily Break: The point of the daily break is that you can't realistically give your wife five hours or more of rest per day. She, like you, has a job to do, and it must be done daily. However, without little nuggets of bliss on a daily basis, your other half may forget what freedom feels like.
What's my point here? Maybe you're thinking one hour per day is tough depending on the age of your child. But the point here is to give your wife solace daily for at least 30 minutes or more. When she wakes in the morning, she should know that she has this certain time of the day that's hers. She owns it. She can nap. She can fish. She can write a novel. Play Uno. Shower a long time. I don't know what your woman likes to do, but the point is to take small breaks. It's the small breaks that will keep everyone sane in this life.
Try this pro tip: Text your wife this message right now (the earlier in the day the better):
"My Dearest Sexy Pants (or insert your wife's pet name here), I know it's hard out there for a mom. But, I'll be home this evening to make your life easier. Be ready with car keys in hand waiting at the door for me. Once I arrive, kiss me on the face and go directly to Starbucks for at least one hour. Do not try and return to this house before at least one hour is up. My Gold Card is loaded for all that your heart so desires. Go crazy, get a cake pop. I mean, we can handle it, the Gold Card has like $11.13 on it. You're good. I love you. You're welcome. PS: Please, do come back home later."
Yes, it's a long text message. But, trust me and reap the rewards. Tips can be left as donations to NFI.
2) The Weekly Break: This break may or may not be realistic depending on the ages of your children. But, with a 7 and 4 year at my house, I find my wife needs more of a rest/disengagement than just the daily, short break given that she's running one child all over the world and at home with one all day. If weekly doesn't work, you should definitely shoot for monthly.
Girls night out is a real thing, dad. It matters. They usually happen weekly and you should make sure they happen. This can be anywhere from two to three hours. Be prepared. It doesn't have to be any longer if it's happening as often as it should. But this break is less introverted in nature compared to the daily break. I'm assuming that the small, daily breaks are "alone time" for your wife. The weekly break is her time to have fun and look forward to being out with other adult friends every so often.
What was the last thing you did to give your wife a break? Seriously, I want to know, I'm taking notes.